Scars
by savethenerds
Summary: Paige McCullers is uprooted from her life in Rosewood when she finally comes out to her father. She is sent away to a Catholic boarding school and meets Quinn Fabray, her new roommate. Despite their differences, they come to realize how much they have in common and change each other's lives forever. A/U set after season 1 of PLL and season 1 of Glee.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n:** _thank you so much for reading my story! i know this first chapter is a lot of exposition, but i promise they will get a lot more exciting._

_i'm super excited to be writing a Paige/Quinn fic (Paiquinn? Painn? Quaige? McBray? who knows!) especially since i don't think ANY exist out there! at least i can't find one. there is just so much potential between these two!_

_so, please, if this piques your interest, pass it along. i don't know how many people will just "stumble" upon it. and most of all, write reviews! let me know your thoughts. what's working, what isn't. enjoy!_

* * *

The sun had barely been over the horizon for an hour and my stomach was already in knots. There was a silence that filled the car, like a dense fog, and it made me even sicker. My parents had hardly spoken for the first two hours of the trip other than a question or two asked by my mother to my father. They barely even acknowledged my existence. I must have just blended in with all the boxes and bags surrounding me. That's _must_ be it.

With at least two hours left in the journey, I reached for my backpack, which was buried underneath a large box on the seat next to me. The sound of the shuffling stirred the air in the car and broke the silence. My dad remained completely focused on the road while my mother turned around and gave me a weak smile. I pretended I didn't see her, though I wish I actually didn't see her. It gave me an ache in my chest.

I pulled out my iPod from my bag and placed the headphones around my ears. Finally, some relief. As I rummaged through the bag, I noticed I had thrown in the student handbook I had received in the mail last week. It was fairly thick...75 pages to be exact. It had a navy blue cover with white and gray lettering, the school's colors I assume. St. Catherine's Academy for Girls. Just below that, it had the school's crest.

I don't really understand why he's sending me to an all-girl's boarding school. I mean, I do understand why he's sending me away. I could tell by the redness in his face and the look in his eye when I said, "I'm gay." Right then and there, I knew he wanted to throw me out. He wanted nothing to do with me. I was a disappointment and a failure. The only reason he didn't at that very moment was because of my mother. She's about the only thing that can reign in my dad's temper...and even sometimes that doesn't work. By the next week, my father had already submitted an application to St. Catherine's Academy. A Catholic boarding school. If he couldn't throw me out on the street, then he was going to do the next best thing, pull me out of Rosewood High and send me far away to the rural mountains of Pennsylvania, hoping to pray the gay away.

He told me he thought it would help me academically, with the smaller classes and being at school 24-7, and he said they had a very good swim team as well. Hopefully I could become their anchor..."since that Emily Fields stole that from me." He wanted me to get into the best college possible. With scholarships.

But, I'm going into my senior year. Isn't it a little too late for all of that? I'll be sending out college applications in a few months! I mean, my B average isn't fantastic, but it's still not too shabby. And, even though I wasn't anchor, I still had some of the best times in the county.

I knew exactly why he was sending me away.

I still didn't get why an all-girls school though. Was that his form of torture?

I began to thumb through the handbook and see what I was in for. I scoffed when I got to reading the belief statements.

"2. Diversity is an expression of God's creativity."

I didn't laugh because it's not true. It is. But, I laughed because I highly doubted that I'd see much diversity around the halls of this school. Lots of rich and prudish white heterosexual bitches.

The more I read, the more I became aware of my father's reasons.

I had to wear a uniform. Everyday. A knee-length skirt. I was horrified. And everyday, homeroom would open with a prayer. And a prayer before we eat at lunch. And church services were required each Sunday. I hadn't been to church on a non-holiday in years. A fact that my father, a deacon in his "spare" time, resented.

Then my mouth literally dropped open. I found the section on social life and activities. In bold face I saw "Senior Prom Regulations". Regulations? Then I read on...

"In accordance with diocesan policy, the Senior Prom is a date dance;

therefore, young ladies must be accompanied by a gentleman escort."

_Must? _ I couldn't even attend if I were alone?

That is downright frightening. They _were_ really going to pray the gay away. Teach me to be a good wife to my husband and have lots of kids (after I'm married, of course) and all of that nonsense.

Diversity my ass.

I stared out the window, watching my freedom fade away. All the steps I had taken with Emily, all the strength I used to be truthful to myself, and everything I did to not hate myself will soon be for naught. It hurt even worse than being in the closet. Here I am, finally admitting to the world and to myself, that I am gay and my father is doing everything in his power to make sure I follow the straight and narrow.

I've never felt so helpless in my life.

* * *

When we finally arrived, there were only a few other cars in front of the residential building. It was still very early in the day, only about 9AM. My father decided it would be best for me to move in on Saturday, with the freshmen, rather than on Friday, with the rest of the transfers. He just didn't want to miss a day of work. He couldn't be inconvenienced.

Someone from the residential staff came over and greeted us as I began unloading my belongings from the car.

"Welcome to St. Catherine's! May I have your name?" She was far too perky to handle this early on a Saturday.

"McCullers. Paige McCullers."

"Welcome, Paige!" She scanned her clipboard for a minute or two before she began to furrow her brow.

"I can't seem to find you on our check-in list, did you -"

"I'm actually a transfer. Not a freshman."

"Aha! Problem solved! You must have read my mind." She smiled and dug farther into the paperwork on the clipboard.

"Here you are. Room 507. I will be right back with your key and Welcome Packet!"

A few moments later, the perky girl returned as promised and also brought another girl with a luggage trolley.

"Here is your key and your Welcome Packet. It will tell you when and where everything is this weekend!"

I nodded.

"Lisa here will help you bring your bags and boxes to your new room!"

I swear, this girl made everything sound incredibly exciting just with the tone of her voice. It was exhausting.

I pulled the last box from the car as Lisa began to load up the trolley. She was a lot more...subdued...than the first girl. I trotted back to the car and peered in through my mother's window.

"Are you going to come in?" I asked, more out of politeness already knowing the answer.

My mother turned to my father. "It's a long drive. We should be heading home." His tone was ice cold.

My mom turned towards me again. "Sorry sweetie, we'd liked to though," she lied. In her defense, I could see in her eyes that she, too, was hurting. She was only saying what my father wanted to hear. I reached in through the window and gave my mom a hug and kiss and told her I loved her.

"I love you, too, sweetie."

I pulled away and looked towards my father.

"Good luck, Paige." It was more of a command than a farewell.

I turned without saying a word. I returned to Lisa and the overflowing trolley. As I heard the car pull away, I felt tears begin to well in my eyes.

* * *

I sat on the mattress, completely unfazed by the amount of packing I had to do. I couldn't focus, so I just ignored it. I stared at my side of the room, bare and sterile. I had a desk in front of the window a few feet from the foot of the bed. Next to the door was a closet and against the wall near the closet was a dresser. I looked over to my roommate's side. She had obviously arrived much earlier, as she was already completely unpacked. I wasn't sure what year she was, I knew she had to be a junior or senior since we were on the upperclassman floor, but I didn't know if she was a transfer or not. The bed was made already, so I assumed she was already out getting breakfast or being social. I enjoyed having a moment to myself.

I noticed the abundance of pinks and pastel colors on her side of the room. Her comforter was a dusty rose color with some bright pink throw pillows. She had matching pick accessories for her desk and a pink laundry bag.

I rolled my eyes. "Great."

Two picture frames caught my eye, sitting on top of her dresser next to a jewelry box. My curiosity got the best of me and I walked over to take a look. I couldn't help it, I wanted to know who this girl was that I was going to be living with for the next year.

I didn't want to touch the frames, I'd feel super awkward if she noticed that they had moved. The first picture was of three girls in cheerleader uniforms. I sighed. I felt like this was turning into my worst nightmare. I examined to picture more closely. Two of the girls were blonde. How stereotypical. The other was darker skinned with jet black hair...and really striking eyes. Strangely enough, she reminded me of Emily. It made my heart flutter a little bit. I wondered which of the three girls would be my roommate.

I took another step closer and glanced at the frame behind the first one. It was a boy, in a football uniform, of course, and one of the blonde girls in the cheerleader uniform. There was also another brunette in the picture, but she wasn't wearing any sports garb.

So, that must be my roommate. A pretty blonde cheerleader dating the high school quarterback. It felt so cliche it didn't even seem it could be real. I let out an even bigger sigh. Alison DiLaurentis must be haunting me still. Some how, I'm stuck with the blonde Queen Bee.

I heard the door handle jingle and unlock. The door creaked open and a girl walked in. As soon as she caught a glimpse of me, she gasped and jumped.

I felt awkward standing on her side of the room, staring at her things.

"I...I'm s-sorry."

She was actually much prettier than she looked in her pictures. She was wearing a pale blue sundress with a white cardigan over it. Her hair was long and flowing, clipped back on one side. She exuded a certain innocence that Ali seemed to lack. And was even more beautiful than Ali. Maybe she wouldn't be an evil Ali incarnate after all. I was still wary though.

She caught her breath. "Don't worry about it. You just scared me. I wasn't expecting there to be anyone else here." She smiled and outstretched her hand to me.

"You must be my new roommate."

I nodded.

"I'm Quinn. Quinn Fabray."

I took her hand and gently shook it.

"P-paige."


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n:** _hey guys! welcome back! i promise this is the last 'boring' chapter...it's really more like chapter 1.5. next chapter will be the first day of school and the girls begin to learn more about each other as well..._

_i pretty much have the whole story mapped out at this point...i wish i could write faster slash had more time to write. i just want to get this all out. definitely check back for another chapter tomorrow._

_oh, and reviews are good. i want to hear people's input. i may know where the story ends, but the journey there is not set in stone..._

* * *

I threw my two suitcases on top of my bed and began unpacking all my clothes. I threw a few things on hangers that I had stuffed in a duffle bag...most everything else I left folded and shoved into my dresser drawers. I didn't really have the strength to deal with any of this now. It's not like I'd be wearing my clothes that often anyway.

Once I was done, I put both suitcases in the bottom of my closet and began to open all the boxes I had scattered throughout the room. I let out a sigh when I realized I still had quite a long day ahead of me. I found the box that had all my bedding and began to set that up.

Quinn turned from her computer screen. "Are you going to the transfer orientation at 1?"

It was the first thing she had said to me since our initial introduction. I acted somewhat cold and standoffish after the handshake. I wasn't very good with conversation and I just wanted to get settled in. At least she sensed that and left me alone. I didn't mean to be rude. I just felt so overwhelmed. I hoped she didn't hate me already.

"I...I don't know."

"You should," Quinn replied cheerfully, "we can head down together."

I wondered how she figured out that I was a transfer, too. "I have a lot to do around here."

"C'mon. You don't want to be stuck in here all day anyway, it's a beautiful day out."

I wondered how on Earth she could be so perky being trapped in a place like this. It made me sick to my stomach.

"I'm guessing you won't take 'no' as an answer..."

"You guessed correctly. Now let's go get ready, those boxes will still be there when we get back."

* * *

We arrived in front of the academic building a few minutes early. There were already a few girls waiting for the orientation as well. The academic building was a huge brick building covered in ivy. It looked like it was about 3 stories high. It was much taller and older looking than Rosewood High, but a lot more compact. The lanscaping was beautiful, bright flowers and white wooden benches lining the main walkway. The entire campus was surrounded by forest and felt completely cut off from the rest of the world.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and took a seat on one of the benches, still leaving my messanger bag wrapped around me. Quinn was already introducing herself to some of the other girls...I knew she'd have no trouble making friends. She's the kind of person people are just naturally drawn to. I, on the other hand, had no such talents.

After a few minutes passed, I noticed a girl arrive, dressed in uniform and carrying a folder. I assumed she was our tour guide and I made my way over to the rest of the group. She stood on her tip toes and hand in the air counting silently to herself.

"All right ladies, it looks like everyone is here! Let's get started with today's orientation! Welcome to St. Catherine's Academy! My name is Madison and I will be your guide today." She placed a nametag sticker on herself as she spoke. She began to hand out tags and pens to each of the girls. I would have guess there were about 20 of us there. "Please write your name and your year in school on your tag."

She then began to hand out pamphlets to each of the girls. "Today, we will take a tour of campus and get you set up with your ID cards! If any of you have any questions, please feel free to ask along the way!"

Madison began to lead the group into the academic building as I trailed behind the group a step or two, watching the ground intently. Suddenly, I felt a hand grab my wrist as a chill went up my spine and I jumped. I looked up and saw Quinn.

"C'mon, nerd," she gently teased, "we won't bite."

* * *

The tour lasted about two hours and finally ended in the dining hall. We saw most of the academic building, the athletic fields and gym, the church and the school store and dining areas. We made a pit stop in the administrative building as well to take our ID photos. That probably took the most time, each of us seperately posing while the rest chatted and giggled, filling up the hallway. A few girls tried to strike up conversation with me, but none of them were particularly intrigued by my one word answers.

Quinn turned to me outside the dining hall. "You hungry yet?"

"Not really."

"Good, me neither. Want to go pick up our uniforms?" She pointed down the hall where the school store was situated.

"Sure."

We each had received a voucher for a complete uniform set that was included with tuition and fees: 3 skirts, 2 cardigans, 3 short sleeve button downs, 2 long sleeve button downs, 5 pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, 2 pairs of gym shorts, and 2 St. Catherine's t-shirts. Only a week's worth. Great. That meant I was going to be doing a lot of laundry. We had the option to buy other gear, but I refused to spend my money on anything I didn't have to.

When Quinn received her box of clothing, she opened it and unfolded one of the skirts and held it up to herself. "Sexy, right?"

I knew she was kidding, but I could feel my face blushing. I hoped she didn't notice. "Oh yeah," I sarcastically remarked, "who knew a plaid polyester skirt could be so stylish?" Except, she did make it look kind of sexy.

"I think that's the most I've heard come out of your mouth today."

I felt my face get even redder as I looked away. I looked back towards her and saw her standing with her arms crossed, squinting and looking me up and down as if she were trying to figure me out.

"I should head back. Finish unpacking," I said, coldly.

"I'll be up in a little bit. I want to do a little more exploring." As I turned to leave, I saw her catch up with one of the other girls from our group that she had been chatting with. I definitely was not very good at this whole socializing thing.

* * *

Quinn arrived back at the room about an hour later. I had set up my bed and computer, but that was about it. I was still distracted. I was lounging on my bed staring vacantly at a picture of the swim team from the beginning of last season. I missed the girls on the team. Especially Emily. I was glad we had finally become better friends by the end of the year. But I was sad that it never worked out because I was still in the closet. I regret that I never got to say goodbye to her in person. That I never got to tell her that I finally came out. It kind of left a hole in my heart. And it made me wonder "what if". What if I had never been ripped out of Rosewood. Would we have ever been.

I looked up to see Quinn hovering over me.

"What's that?"

I smiled. "A picture." I don't know why, but I felt like being difficult.

"I know that, Captain Obvious. A picture of what?"

"My swim team."

"Ah, nice. You're a swimmer. Are you going to join the swim team here?"

I paused. "My dad would kill me if I didn't."

Quinn nodded.

"Are you going to join the cheerleading squad?"

I could tell I caught her a little off guard.

"I...I haven't decided quite yet. I _used_ to be a cheerleader."

There was an awkward silence that lingered between us. I knew I must have hit a sore spot.

"May I see?" she asked, motioning towards the picture.

"Oh, of course," I said as I handed it to her.

She scanned the picture for a moment and then pointed to someone.

"Is that you?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I know. The hair." I scrunched up my face with embarrassment.

She let out a laugh and nodded. "We all make mistakes."

We chatted for a little bit before we changed into our uniforms. It was required attire for this evening's dinner and Welcome Convocation. I slipped out into the bathroom adjacent to our room to go change while Quinn remained in the room. I wasn't quite comfortable changing in front of a stranger, and somehow, a shared bathroom seemed slightly less scary. When I returned wearing the outfit, we both looked at each other and started laughing. Who knew an ugly skirt and knee socks could be such a good ice breaker. I could feel myself beginning to warm up to her.

"Let's go, Pippi Longstocking, we don't want to be late."


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n:**_ hey guys! thanks for reading and following and commenting!_

* * *

6:30AM came far too soon this morning. My hand flailed in the air, searching for the snooze button. Just seven more minutes. I hit the alarm with a thud and rolled over in my bed. No more than 30 seconds later, I felt a nudge on my shoulder.

"You don't want to be late on your first day, do you?"

I grumbled under my breath and pulled the blanket further over my head.

I felt another nudge. "Paige?"

I rolled back over again so that I was now facing out from the wall. I rubbed my eyes and slowed opened them to find Quinn standing in front of me, already dressed and put together.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, I'm heading out in 15 minutes. You should probably consider getting up sometime in the near future."

I groaned. "I already showered last night. I just need to throw on clothes and brush my hair and teeth." I rubbed my eyes again. "And...why are you leaving so damn early?"

Quinn scowled. "We have Daily Mass at 7:20 before class and I wanted to grab some breakfast before that."

I let out a heavy sigh. "It's not mandatory..." I whined. I was already forced to go to Mass yesterday morning, which more than fulfilled my weekly quota of worship. Not to mention all the class and school bonding activities I had to suffer through yesterday as well.

"I _know_ that." Quinn had a distressed look on her face. "I just thought it might be a nice idea to at least show up on the first day of classes."

"I suppose. But I think I will still pass." I definitely wasn't making a good impression on my roommate. But I wasn't here to please her either. I could still make my own choices. "I'll see you later at lunch, okay?" I rolled over again, back towards the wall without even waiting for a reply.

"Okay." She sounded slightly defeated.

As I laid there I heard her shuffling about loading up her backpack and typing on the computer. I hit the snooze button one more time. Finally, I heard the door creak open.

"Hey, Paige. Good luck today." Quinn's tone was sincere and I could almost hear her smiling.

I stuck my head out from under the blankets and simply replied, "You, too."

* * *

Of course I ended up running late. I threw on my uniform, got ready quickly in the bathroom, pulled back my hair and put on some mascara in a hurry. I ran down the four flights of stairs and scanned my card to get into the empty dining hall. I looked at the clock on the wall. 7:45. I grabbed an apple and a banana and a bottle of water and bolted out of the hall as quickly as I came in. I ran across the grounds to the academic building. Everyone else was filtering in as well, I assumed the morning Mass must have just let out. I caught my breath finally.

I arrived at homeroom with five minutes to spare. Once the final bell rang, the teacher took attendance. There were about 14 other girls in the room. All of them looked almost identical to each other. So much for embracing diversity.

Once that was completed, the teacher led us in a quick prayer followed by the pledge of allegiance. This whole praying thing was going to get old _real_ fast. And lastly, there were announcements. What was for lunch today, when athletic tryouts were, where to sign up for clubs, you know, the usual mundane things. Then, there was an announcement about the upcoming "Fall Ball". A dance? Already? Yes. Two Fridays from now. Apparently, it's an annual event; a semi-formal dance with another local Catholic school for boys, St. John's Academy. We would be hosting it this year. Attendance was not required, but strongly encouraged. All the other girls in the classroom began to chatter excitedly about it once the announcements were complete.

The bell rang and I let out a loud sigh. This was going to be a very long year.

* * *

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Other than a few girls asking if I was new, I was pretty much able to fly under the radar. I did get to see Quinn twice during the day. As much as I like to be alone, it was nice to see a familiar face once in a while.

I saw her sitting at a table with a few other girls, one I recognized from my Civics and Government class, two that we had been in orientation with, and another I had never seen before.

I walked up behind Quinn with my tray of food. "Mind if I sit?"

Quinn quickly spun around and greeted me with a smile once she realized who it was.

"Of course!" She gestured towards the table. "Everyone, this is my roommate Paige. Paige, this is everyone. You remember Becky and Emma from Saturday, right?"

I nodded and they waved back at me. "And you're Sarah, right?" I looked towards the redhead sitting across from Quinn. "You're in my Civ and Gov class I think."

"Oh, yes! You're that new girl!" She excitedly replied. I guess there's much worse things to be known as other than 'that new girl'.

Quinn chimed in again. "And this is Katelyn, she's in chorus with me. Her and I will both be trying out for show choir this week!"

Quinn seemed genuinely excited to have found another singer she clicked with. I had no idea that Quinn even was a singer...or if she was even any good. My curiosity was piqued.

I sat down and joined the group, sitting next to my roommate. As I did, another bell rang and caught me off guard. Katelyn leaned over and whispered, "It's the prayer bell."

Oh, boy. A voice came over the loudspeaker in the cafeteria and led the room in prayer. I bowed my head, hoping no one would notice that I was rolling my eyes.

Later in the day, I had Pre-Calc with Quinn. Math was my weakest subject, so I had no idea how I got stuck in this class. Quinn, on the other hand, was apparently a smarty-pants. She was one of only a handful of juniors in the class. I keep realizing how much I _don't _know about her and how much she keeps surprising me.

Then I was shocked even more.

As the teacher, Miss Norbury, read through the attendance list, she came to a strange name.

"Lucy Fabray?"

I turned to Quinn with a puzzled look. She sheepishly raised her hand.

"Here. I actually go by my middle name, Quinn."

I still looked at her, puzzled.

Miss Norbury wrote a note on her clipboard. "As you wish, Miss Fabray."

Sensing my confusion, Quinn leaned over to me and whispered, "Long story. I'll tell you later."

"You must really hate first days," I replied.

When the final bell rang, I headed out to the main hallway by the bulletin boards. Apparently, everyone else had the same idea. It was required that every student be signed up for at least one extracurricular activity. I looked at all the clubs and fall sports listed. Unfortunately, swimming was a winter sport, so I was going to have to find something else to fill up my fall season. Mathletes? No. Debate Club? No. Knitting Club? ...Really? Aha. Field Hockey. I didn't play last year at Rosewood, mainly so I could focus on training for swimming in the off season, but I did play JV my first two years of high school. I missed it. I didn't have any of my equipment with me, but I'm sure they had some stuff I could borrow until I had my own.

After the crowd died down a bit, I looked over the lists. I saw Quinn had put her name on the list for "Joyful Noise"...I guess that was the name of the show choir. How cliche. Then I saw the Cheerleading signups. I ran my finger down the long list of names. There it was. Second to last name. I guess she did decide to return to cheerleading. I shrugged as I turned around and finally made my way out of the building for the day.

* * *

Quinn arrived at the room about a half hour after me.

"Where were you, young lady?" I said with a mocking motherly tone.

"Talking to some of the girls. You know, some people like to socialize."

Ouch.

"I saw that you decided to sign up for cheerleading."

There was a pause. I wondered if she thought I was weird for looking for her name.

"Yeah. I did. I figured it couldn't hurt."

There was another awkward silence.

I tried to lighten the mood. "I wonder what Catholic school cheerleading uniforms look like..."

That elicited a laugh. "Oh God, I can't even imagine."

I shrugged. "Even if it's hideous, I bet you'll still look good in it." Dammit, Paige. Word vomit. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.

Quinn smiled back at me before she changed the subject, "Did you sign up for anything?"

"Yeah, field hockey. I used to play a couple years ago." I looked towards the ground, trying to avoid eye contact. I was still embarrassed by my last comment. "So, Lucy," I started, trying to deflect the attention away from myself, "what's your deal?"

She chuckled and blushed a bit. "Well, I moved between 8th and 9th grade and started in a new school." She paused for a moment. "I didn't really like the name Lucy, so when I moved, I decided to go by my middle name, Quinn. No one there knew me, so no one had any idea that it wasn't my first name."

I nodded. I could tell there was more to the story, she wouldn't really make eye contact with me. I didn't want to pry though. "Well, I think Quinn is a pretty name."

Dammit, again, Paige.

"Hey," she smiled, "you going to the Fall Ball?"

I looked up at her and finally made eye contact again, wondering where she was going with this.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, it's not _mandatory_, so, you know, I know you don't like to do things that aren't mandatory..."

"Yeah, I'll go."

"Good. Do you want to head into town this weekend and go dress shopping?"

"Well, I don't have a car -"

"I do. Or we could just take the campus shuttle if you don't like riding in cars with strangers," she said with a wry grin on her face.

"I guess."

"Hey, Charlie Brown, everything doesn't have to be so wishy-washy. C'mon, it'll be fun to get out of this prison for a day."

"All right. I'm in."

"You won't regret it. Besides, we need to find "appropriate", yet sexy, dresses for our chaperoned mingling with the boys."

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't give me that sass. Like I always say, it's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing."


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n: **_sorry for not updating yesterday, it was a crazy busy day for me! expect to see LOTS of updates the next week or so. maybe even two a day for a few days. i'm determined to get the Christmas chapter up on Christmas. consider it my gift to you, lol._

_This chapter we see some sweet interactions between the two girls. Next chapter, though, is when some drama starts to happen. I can't wait._

* * *

Some how I managed to survive the first week of school without having a complete mental breakdown. I was having trouble adjusting to the fact that this school was indeed my new home. I had no where else to go. I was hoping that time would lessen the sting. Classes were okay, but I was really going to have to study hard for a few of them to keep my average above a B. I was already feeling overwhelmed with work...but then again, it's not like there's much else to do around here anyway. Field hockey tryouts went well and I actually made the team. Practice started on Thursday and we already have our first game next Thursday. The team isn't very good, but I doubt I'll be starting, at least this early in the season. Most of the girls played together last season so I guess it would be silly to have the new girl starting. Even if some of them are scared of me. Hey, I take my defense seriously!

I sat on my bed, facing towards Quinn, with my computer resting on my lap. I looked up from the screen. "How's cheering going?"

Quinn looked up from her textbook, somewhat surprised that I was initiating conversation. "It's all right, I guess. I'm not used to being the low women on the totem pole. When I left the team back home, I was the head cheerleader. It's an adjustment."

I smiled. "Of course you were."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Quinn scowled at me.

I realized what I said could have been interpreted as really bitchy. "I...I didn't mean it like that." I felt my cheeks begin to turn red. "I just meant...that, well...you were probably the smartest one on the team." _And prettiest. _ "You probably were a good leader. You...you just have that kind of personality."

Quinn smiled back. "Nice save."

Every time she smiled at me, I felt my heart race. Her smile lit up whatever room she was in. It was just disappointing that she didn't smile a genuine smile more often.

"How's the singing group?" I asked.

"Other than the terrible name? It's actually pretty good. They're a great group of girls and a few of them are really talented. I'm looking forward to competing this year." Her face always glowed whenever she was talking about singing.

"I'm thinking of even auditioning for a solo or two," she continued.

"I think that's a great idea. I would love to hear you sing sometime." I felt myself blush a little bit more.

Quinn cocked her eyebrow and smirked. "Maybe I'll give you a private show sometime."

Just then, my phone vibrated, as if to save me from further embarrassing myself. I wondered who the heck would be texting me.

"Text from a boy toy back home?" Quinn had a sly look on her face.

I squirmed. I felt really uncomfortable. This whole time we had managed to avoid talking about boyfriends and dating. I had no intentions of outing myself to Quinn, at least not until I got to know her better. Not until I knew she wouldn't freak out at the thought that she was living with a lesbian.

"Very funny." That was about all I could muster.

I opened my inbox. Emily. My stomach dropped.

_Hey. Havnt seen u around school all week. Everything ok?_

I stared at the phone for a moment, processing everything. I was surprised that she had even noticed I was gone. I didn't think anyone would. It brought a smile to my face knowing that she was still thinking of me.

Quinn caught a glimpse of my giddy smile. "Aha! I was right!"

"Not quite."

She furrowed her brow at the comment.

I began to feverishly type a reply.

_Not really. Im ok, but at a new school._

_Its a long story can i call u sunday?_

I wasn't going to type out my sad little story via text message, but I wasn't going to talk about it in front of Quinn, or anyone else for that matter. Quinn had rehearsal Sunday afternoon, so I knew that would be the perfect time to catch up with Emily.

After what seemed like an eternity, Emily finally replied.

_Sure. Hope ur really ok._

It made me miss her even more.

_K. Talk to u then, em._

I locked my phone and threw it on the bed beside me. I let out a deep sigh as I thought about the conversation that loomed on the horizon.

"Everything okay?" Quinn asked.

I paused for a moment. "Yeah."

I could tell Quinn didn't believe me. "Well, you know what will cheer you up? Our mall date tomorrow."

I smiled and nodded.

"We're going to be the hottest girls at this ball. Just you wait and see." Quinn said, winking at me. "Those boys wont know what hit 'em."

* * *

We decided to get an early start to the day. We were both awake by 9 and ready by 10. Quinn was wearing one of her usual dresses and cardigan, her hair loosely pulled back with a few strands left free, gently framing her face. I don't think anyone else can make a plain old cardigan look so good. As usual, I felt underdressed compared to my roommate. I had thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, topped off with my favorite olive green bomber jacket.

We headed to the campus shuttle, which was a small white bus. The school ran the shuttle Friday through Sunday so students could head into town to get supplies or groceries or go to the mall or the movies. I think we had made a good decision to leave early, as the bus was already pretty full at 10:30 in the morning. I guess everyone wanted to get off campus after the first week of school.

About a half hour later, we arrived at the mall. We just stood outside staring at the beautiful shrine of commercialism that towered before us.

"Wow, I almost forgot what civilization looked like."

I glared at Quinn and rolled my eyes.

"You know, we've only been gone a week"

"Yeah, but it feels like an eternity. Come on, let's go pretend were normal teenagers again." She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the mall. Once we were inside, we studied the directory to try and get our bearings. She turned to me. "Where do you want to go first?"

I shrugged. "I don't really care. I need to pick up field hockey stuff, but other than that, I'm indifferent."

"Okay. Let's get the boring stuff out of the way and then we'll go look for dresses."

We headed to the sporting goods store where I excitedly picked out a new field hockey stick. As I was picking up and trying nearly every stick in the store, I caught Quinn out of the corner of my eye smiling at my enthusiasm. Once I had settled on a stick, I quickly grabbed a pair of shin guards and a pair of cleats and made my way to the register. I was excited to get on with the rest of our day.

We paraded through the mall, going into a half dozen stores trying on all the dresses we could. I would've settled for the first dress I tried on, just to be done with it, but Quinn wouldn't allow it. The dress had to be just right. So, 6 stores and three hours later, we would finally hit the jackpot.

Quinn pulled a black dress off a rack, holding it in front of me closely examining it, before she shoved it into my arms. "Here. Try this."

I looked at it. It was very plain and simple, a fact I actually appreciated. Quinn must have learned something through our hours of shopping thus far. She then pulled out a bright pink dress from the same rack and held it up to herself.

"C'mon. Let's go try these on." I could hear the excitement in her voice.

We slipped into two dressing room booths next to each other. I stood in the mirror and held the dress up to myself. It had a high rounded neckline with cap sleeves and a small keyhole opening in the back. It had a pretty high waist with a belt and a flared skirt. I undressed and pulled on the dress. Just as I was adjusting myself, I heard a knock on the fitting room wall.

"Hey, can you zipper me up?"

I felt my face go flush. "S..sure," I stuttered. I continued to adjust the dress as I responded, "Give me one sec, I'll be right there."

I looked in the mirror and smiled at what I saw. Quinn did have very good taste. I left my room, leaving the door open a crack, and lightly tapped on Quinn's door. The door swung open and I nearly froze when I saw her. The dress had a very shallow V neck and short cuffed sleeves. It was very form fitting with a slight flare. I couldn't help but stare at how the dress accentuated her curves and fit her body so perfectly. She finally turned her back to me.

"Hey, you just going to stand there, or are you going to zip me up?"

I blinked and woke myself from my stupor. I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked. I stepped into the dressing room and closed the door behind me. I walked over to her and pulled up the zipper of her dress, slowly and awkwardly. I was afraid to touch her. She pulled the dress down and fixed herself in the mirror once the zipper was secure and spun around to me.

"Below the fingertips. Check. Back and front covered. Check. Sleeves. Check. I think this meets all the requirements." Quinn smiled.

It certainly did meet all the requirements, but it was definitely anything but modest.

"How do I look?"

_Stunning._ "It...it looks really great on you." I paused for a moment. "Can you button the top of my dress?" I sheepishly asked.

"Of course, turn around."

I turned away from her and was staring at myself in the mirror again. I saw her walk up behind me and I nearly gasped when I felt her hand touch my skin. As she fiddled with the button, I felt goosebumps grow on my arm.

"All set." She took my arm and spun me around, placing both of her hands above my elbows. She paused and looked me up and down, examining her latest creation. I couldn't look at her though, my heart was beating out of my chest. I could smell her and I could feel her, and it was all so overwhelming. In that moment, I wanted to lean in and kiss her. I don't know why. I just did. I hardly knew her, but there was something magnetic about her. Something that just drew me in. Something so beautiful.

I kept my head down, trying to talk myself out of kissing her. She's my roommate, for crying out loud. And she's not even gay. I had to get these thoughts out of my head.

"Paige, you look hot. Like, really hot."

I looked up and saw a smile on Quinn's face. This wasn't helping.

"Turn around."

I obliged. Now both of us were facing the mirror. She rested her arm on top of my shoulder.

"Look at us." She gestured with her hand to the mirror. "We're going to be unstoppable."


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: **_this is a short little Paily-ish chapter. but look for a proper chapter later today._

_and thank you to everyone who has written reviews! keep them coming! i really do appreciate all the kind words, and it's definitely helping me keep up the pace i'm at._

_and one last thought. i know this is a non-traditional pairing so i just wanted to give you guys insight into why i decided to pair these two (other than the fact that i love them both). in a strange way, i do see them as similar characters with many parallels. they both had a similar upbringing, conservative Christian families, with controlling fathers. they both have a lot of secrets about their pasts and skeletons in their closets along with a healthy dose of self-loathing. they're both desperately trying to figure out who they are. and i feel like they're both misunderstood and just need some love. that's why i ship McCullers/Fabray. they're not end game (i don't think...but who knows!), but they will definitely help shape each other and help each other grow._

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey, Em." It felt so comforting to hear her voice on the other end of the line.

"Thanks for leaving me in suspense," she joked.

A silence hung over the line.

"So..." Emily continued, "what's going on? Where have you been?"

"I...I transferred. To another school..."

"Really? Where?" Emily seemed genuinely puzzled. "Just for one year?"

"St. Catherine's."

"St. Catherine's? Isn't...isn't that a boarding school?"

"Yeah...yeah it is."

There was another long silence.

"Why now?"

"Em." I could feel a lump in my throat. I tried to swallow, but I could still barely talk. "Em. I...I finally came out. To my parents."

I could hear Emily searching for words on the other end, but none were coming.

"Paige," Emily said as she finally gathered herself, "I'm happy that you finally did that...but I'm assuming -"

"That it didn't go so well? Yeah."

I was beginning to think our conversation was full of more silence than actual talking.

"My father..." I broke the silence, "he didn't take it so well."

"I'm sorry."

I could feel tears starting to stream down my face.

"Emily, he sent me here. To get rid of me. To try and fix me. He wanted to throw me out, right then and there, but my mother wouldn't let him. So he shipped me off to a boarding school. He pretty much disowned me."

"So...he sent you to an all-girls boarding school?" Emily chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

I let out a little laugh through the tears.

"That's what I thought, too. Then I realized my dad was hoping they would pray away the gay. I feel like that's all we do here. We pray and go to church and learn how to be good Christian women. They try to get us to mingle with the 'good Christian boys' from another school nearby. Supervised, of course." I let out a nervous laugh. "They even have 'date dances' where you're required to be 'escorted' by a boy. Gay is a bad word around here. Heck, I think you can even get in trouble for it. I feel like I'm back in the closet again."

I was met with silence again.

"I knew I always wanted to get out of Rosewood. There was nothing for me there anyway," I paused. "Except maybe for you..."

"Don't say that, Paige.

"It's true. I never had any real friends. I had more enemies than friends, in fact. And now, I don't even feel like I have a family anymore. I don't understand how a father could just discard his only child. It hurts so much, Emily."

"Maybe he will come around. You know it just took some time for my mother to realize that I was still the same daughter I always was."

"I suppose. I just don't think he'll even talk to me until I'm 'better'." I paused. "Emily, you're the only good thing that ever happened to me in Rosewood."

"Paige -"

"I'm serious. You made me a better person. You made me _want_ to be a better person. You helped me come to terms with who I was and you gave me the courage to come out. And you forgave me more times than any one person should. I wish I had fought harder for you."

"Paige, I'm still here, okay? I will always be here for you." She paused for a moment. "Maybe the worst is over now. Maybe this is just a new beginning. I guess all you can do right now is try to make the best of it. College is less than a year away, and I promise, things will get better."

"I hope you're right."

"You know I'm always right." I could hear her smile.

I let out a soft laugh. "Thank you, Em."

"For what?"

"You...you always know what to say to make me feel better." I sighed. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

There was still the giant pink elephant sitting in the "room" though.

"How are _you_ holding up?"

"I've...I've been better. Getting away for the summer helped take my mind off Maya a little bit. And drinking. A lot. But it was only a distraction. I don't think I've really processed everything that's happened. It still doesn't feel like she's gone."

"I...I still can't believe that happened. Has anyone figured out -"

"Not yet. Maybe that's the hardest part. I feel like there's no closure. There's still someone out there who took Maya away from me and is capable of taking someone else away from me, too."

I nodded, even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"I wish I were there. I wish I could help you. Protect you. I'm so sorry, Emily."

I could hear a heavy sigh.

"I guess only time will heal the pain."

"Just like you told me, things will get better. It doesn't mean it won't hurt like hell right now. But it won't hurt forever. I'm here for you, too, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Don't be a stranger. I'm only a phone call away. We'll get through all this together. I will always be here for you, too."


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: **_all right! back to our regularly scheduled Painn/Paiquinn/McBray/etc. fic... i hope you're ready! this is a long one._

_and be patient everyone! i know you guys want to see some major jealousy going on between these two. and everyone else. trust me. it's coming. you won't be disappointed..._

* * *

I was really trying my hardest to take Emily's advice to heart. To try and make the best of what I've been handed. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible so I didn't have too much time to think. I began to settle into a routine by the second week.

I woke every morning as late as possible. Quinn was up and nearly ready to go by the time I finally rolled out of bed. I threw on my clothes and washed up, ran downstairs to grab a quick breakfast, and made my way to the academic building. Each bell rang and the halls filled with plaid skirts and ponytails rushing to the next class. And each day seemed exactly like the last.

I didn't talk to many people, still. I tried to remain as invisible as possible. I sat with Quinn and her friends at lunch, and that really was all the socialization I had for the day. I didn't mind though. I just stayed focused on school work and athletics. And whenever we had to pray in school, I used the time to remind myself that I can do this. That I can make it through this year...that better things await along the horizon.

I did talk to a few girls on the field hockey team, and they would see me in the halls and around campus and say hi. But I felt like most of the girls on the team were afraid of me. I heard some of them whispering things about me one day in the locker room. I couldn't help it if I was competitive, I couldn't help it if I always gave my 110% on the field. I knew I was intense, but that's just how I was. If anything, playing actually gave me a release of all my pent up frustrations and anger in a much healthier way than I had resorted to in the past.

Thursday was our first field hockey game. We lost, horribly, 6-0. I only saw a few minutes of play, unfortunately. I bet the beating wouldn't have been so hard if they would've allowed me more field time. I guess I still have to win the coach over. I was still determined to be a starter by the middle of the season. I guess that meant I needed to give 120% at practice these next few days. I didn't care what anyone said behind my back.

At least I had field hockey to take up my afternoons. After practice, I'd head back to the residence hall to shower and change rather than in the locker room. By then, Quinn had usually returned from her cheerleading practice and we'd head downstairs to grab some dinner. Some days we ate alone. Other days, usually Tuesdays and Thursdays, we met up with some of her show choir friends. They rehearsed those nights so they would head to practice right after dinner. I could tell Quinn was becoming good friends with some of the girls, especially Katelyn. They were in a few classes together along with choir. One night, when I returned home from the library, Katelyn was even over the room hanging out with Quinn. Part of me wished I had a much more outgoing personality. And part of me wished I had lots of friends surrounding me. But, I've grown accustomed to the solitude and I had no intentions of changing any of that.

After dinner, I usually headed to the library to do my homework, and if I had time, I'd hit the gym for a little bit. It was amazing how just a simple run on the treadmill or ride on the bike calmed me and helped me unwind. I put on my headphones and just closed my eyes and imagined I was anywhere else. I'd usually get back to my room by 9 and hop in the shower again. I'd let the water run scalding hot and jump in, relishing the stinging sensation on my skin. I'd let the burning water wash away the day.

By the time I was back and settled in my room, I had only about an hour before our 10:30 curfew. I thought I was successful at filling my day and trying to make the best of things. I knew an idle mind would be my downfall. It also allowed me to spend as little time as possible in the room, alone, with Quinn. I couldn't deny that I had feelings for her. But I had no idea how to get rid of them. Everyday I felt us getting closer and closer, eating most meals together and talking every night. But I knew I couldn't let anything happen between us. So I figured the best way to deal with it was just to, well, ignore the situation. Okay, maybe it wasn't the _best_ way to deal with it. But it was the most realistic way. At this point, I've only known her for two weeks. I wasn't ready to bring up any sort of conversation like that. She'd probably run away screaming. "Help! My roommates a big ol' lesbian and she's got a crush on me!" Yeah. Not good.

* * *

Tonight was the big "Fall Ball" dance. Quinn would not stop talking about it all week. She was determined to be the prettiest girl there. I honestly didn't think she'd have any problem garnering that distinction. We both arrived to the room after our respective practices and threw on some clean sweats and grabbed a quick dinner. We hurried back to the room to shower and get all done up. I showered first so I could get dressed while Quinn was in the shower. I didn't know why I still felt so awkward dressing in front of her, I've been dressing in locker rooms for years, but it just felt different.

I slipped on the black dress and quickly straightened my hair. I put on a little bit of mascara, eyeliner, and a smoky eye shadow, slipped on a pair of black flats and called it a day.

Quinn, on the other hand, was meticulous with her preparations. She didn't wear too much make-up, just a light foundation, some mascara and liquid liner, and a soft pink lipstick. She then curled her hair into gentle, loose curls. It all looked very natural and elegant. I began to fiddle on my computer as she got dressed so I wouldn't be awkwardly staring at her the whole time.

"How do I look?" I heard from behind me.

I turned around in my chair and I was speechless.

"That good, eh?"

"Quinn, you look..." _breathtaking. magnificent. _"absolutely gorgeous."

"Thank you. You clean up well, too." She smiled at me.

I grabbed my small purse and Quinn grabbed her little pink clutch, threw her phone and lipstick in, and we headed out the door.

* * *

"This is kind of lame. This music isn't very...dance-y."

"I know," I agreed, though I didn't have much opinion either way.

But it was as if God had heard Quinn's complaint, because at that moment, a long line of boys, dressed in their Sunday finest, began to filter into the darkened gym.

"Jackpot. Let the games begin." Quinn grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out to the center of the dance floor. It was still early in the evening so the floor was still pretty empty. As we made our way to the center of the room, I felt eyes following us. We stood out from the crowd. All the other girls were dressed in pretty little floral sundresses or their Sunday church outfits. We were dressed for a night out on the town. I looked around and saw all the girls' scathing looks while all the boys examined their prey, looking over our every feature, getting ready to pounce. I wasn't used to being the center of attention like this. I felt like I was being stripped naked by all the eyes that were on us.

"Finally! A good song!" Quinn began to dance. "Follow me, okay?"

I looked at her with a puzzled look.

"Dance!"

I began to awkwardly move my legs and arms in a sad attempt to dance.

"You've never danced before, have you?"

I nodded my head, embarrassed.

"Just follow me."

I watched her body move and slide along the dance floor and as she did, I noticed about a dozen guys slowly make their way to the center of the dance floor as well, trying to avert their glances, but failing miserably. They tried to seem uninterested, dancing awkwardly or talking amongst themselves. But I could still feel them looking us up and down.

"Paige. Focus! Remember, it's all about the teasing."

She threw her arm over my shoulder and starting dancing closer to me. I had no choice but to move with the rhythm of her body. My breathing got shallower and my chest got tighter as I felt her get closer and closer to me. She leaned in and whispered into my ear, "See, it's working."

Her warm breath against my ear and neck sent a chill down my spine. I looked around us again, and we had drawn quite the crowd. Fortunately, all the people standing around us blocked us from view of the chaperones. I closed my eyes and just followed Quinn's lead.

When the song ended, I felt Quinn pull away. That had to have been the longest four minutes in my entire life. She grabbed me by the wrist again and pulled me off to the side. Two boys followed us.

"Hey, you guys new? You don't look like freshmen."

Quinn smiled at the attention. "You guys are quite perceptive. We're both transfers."

"See, I told you I hadn't seen them around here before," the other guy said, shoving his elbow into the other's side.

"I'm Matt. And this is my friend Rob," the first boy said.

"Nice to meet you two. I'm Quinn and this is my roommate, Paige."

"Roommates, eh?" Rob said, with a horny look in his eye.

Matt returned Rob's earlier elbow jab.

"Sorry about him, he -"

"No worries," Quinn chimed in.

"Would you two care for a dance later?" Matt politely asked.

"Perhaps," Quinn smiled, "if you're lucky."

Quinn turned to me. "C'mon, Paige, let's go get ourselves a drink."

I followed her, looking back as we went at the two guys who looked understandably defeated.

"What was that?" I asked.

"What was what?

"All of...that."

"You have to understand, I'm not looking to date any of these boys or any of that nonsense. I just like the attention. I just like knowing people think I'm beautiful. It's an ego boost. It feels good. I just like to tease."

"Well, what if...what if I wanted to talk to them."

"Then go talk to them! You can get any guy in here just by moving your pinky finger. You look hot. Like, really hot."

My face began to turn red from Quinn's comment. She was right. It does feel good.

"I just didn't think they were...your type."

I cocked my eyebrow at her. Did she mean what I thought she meant? She shoved a plastic cup filled with a red liquid in front of my face. "So," her eyes scanned the dance floor, "who shall be our next victims?"

* * *

We spent most of the night moving from one group to another and occasionally showing off our moves. Well, Quinn showing off her moves. Then, Quinn's phone went off.

She pulled it out of her bag, and as she read the text, her facial expression froze into one of disbelief. After a few seconds, she began to type a reply. She sent it, with her eyes glued to the screen, waiting for a return message in her inbox. The phone chimed again, about a minute later, and she clicked open the message. I saw a smile grow across her face and she began to glow as tears began to well in the corners of her eyes. Then, suddenly, her expression dropped and she began to bawl. She ran out of the gym and into the hallway. When I realized what was happening, I chased after her and caught a glimpse of her running through the bathroom door.

I followed her in and heard sobs coming from behind a locked stall.

I softly knocked on the door. "Quinn? Are you okay?"

"No." He reply was soft and short. She barely even paused from her crying.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No...not...not here, anyway."

"Quinn, we should get you home."

There was a moment of silence behind the door followed by a sniffle. I heard her undo the lock and the door swung open slowly.

She rubbed her bloodshot eyes and sniffled again. Her make-up had run down her face and around her eyes. She let out a short laugh. "I'm a mess."

"Let's get you home." I reached out and grabbed her hand and helped her up. As I pulled her up, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. She buried her face into my shoulder and began to cry again. I bought one one of my arms, awkwardly dangling at my side, up to her back and rubbed slowly up and down, trying to calm her. I felt her tears drenching my skin. They were hot and burned right through me. Eventually, she pulled her head away and looked up towards me. She made eye contact and let out a soft, "Thank you."

I nodded and gave her a half smile.

"C'mon. Let's get you cleaned up."


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: **_this chapter took me FOREVER to write...even though it's pretty short. so, i apologize. i just really wanted to get this up today._

_but, oh my god, you guys. you're just awesome. i didn't think ANYONE would actually read this, but ya'll are! thank you soooo much. i had no idea going into this what the response would be like._

_now to address some of your comments. first of all, i want to clarify that this is indeed a Paige/Quinn fic. so, my comment about them not being end game doesn't pertain to this particular story, but rather more 'big picture'. there will definitely be some McBray/Painn action up in here. no fears._

_secondly, damn. everyone wants someone OTHER than Paige to be jealous...even though it is kind of in her character. but, no worries. like i said, be patient (i intend this to be novel length). Paige will hold the power ;) i don't want to give too much away, but there will be a trip to Lima soon. and Emily will make a very unexpected appearance later on as well._

_and lastly, i have a question for you all. if you were Santana...what would your nickname for Paige be?_

* * *

I sat down next to Quinn on her bed as she stared vacantly into her phone. I began to run my fingers through her blonde curls, trying to calm her.

She finally turned her attention away from the phone and looked into my eyes. Through the tears and smudged make-up, I could see her pain. "You know, you can go back to the dance. I don't want to ruin your night."

"Ruin my night? Please. You made my night. It wouldn't be any fun without you anyway."

I saw her try to crack a smile.

I couldn't avoid asking the question any longer. "So what happened?"

She let out a deep sigh. "It's...it's a long story."

"Well..." I looked down at my wrist, as if I were wearing a watch, "I have all night."

"I...I...uhm, I just..." She fell silent.

"Quinn?"

"I just don't even know where to start."

"The beginning is usually a good place."

I finally got a smile out of her as she shoved me. She began to fiddle with her phone again until she pulled up a picture on the screen and handed it to me.

"Who is that?"

"My daughter. Beth." Her tone was so soft that it was almost a whisper.

I stared at the picture, in silence. I had no idea what to even say.

"I had her almost four months ago. It's the first time I've seen her since I gave her up for adoption."

I looked up into her eyes and saw a single tear run down her cheek.

"How...how did you get this picture?"

Quinn cocked her eyebrow and grinned. "When you started that sentence, I thought you were going to say something else..."

"What do you..." And then it dawned on me. "Oh."

Quinn just smiled.

"From my friend...Rachel. She got it from her biological mother...who is now Beth's mother."

I just nodded, pretending I knew exactly everything Quinn was talking about. I handed the phone back to Quinn and she refocused her attention to the picture.

"I miss her. I wish I could be there. I wish I could see her."

We sat in silence as I ran my hand up and down her arm. There were so many things I wanted to ask, but I felt like it wasn't my place.

"I'm sorry I broke down out there. I was just...so overwhelmed with emotions. Everything just suddenly came rushing back."

The tears started to flow again.

"You know, that's the reason I'm here."

I looked at her with an inquisitively. I could tell there was much more to this story. She closed her eyes and her face dropped into her palms, sobs echoing through the room. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. She buried her head in my neck again as I felt her warm tears and heaving chest against my body. I couldn't stand seeing her like this. My eyes began to swell with tears.

She eventually pulled away after a few minutes and her crying slowed. "Are you crying, too?"

"N...no..." I lied and looked away from her.

She grabbed my chin between her thumb and forefinger and guided my head back towards her.

She smiled. "Yes, you are, liar."

I sniffled and used the heel of my palm to wipe my eyes. "I can't help it." I couldn't. I couldn't stand seeing her this upset. And I couldn't help but think about how I ended up here. My eyes met hers once again and it felt like she was looking straight through me.

She brought her hand up to my face and brushed away some hair from my eyes and tucked it behind my ear. "You know, you're really beautiful."

I just stared at her, blankly. I was completely caught off guard by her non sequitur.

"No, seriously. I just looked in your eyes and saw something I've never seen in them before. Since your first day here, you've had these massive walls up. You wouldn't let anyone in. And just now, I saw what's inside those walls."

I sat in silence and diverted my attention to anywhere but Quinn's face. Her eyes _had_ gone straight through me. I felt myself building those walls again.

"It's not like you don't do the same thing."

I couldn't believe I came back with something so insensitive. So defensive.

She paused for a moment. "You're absolutely right. I do."

"I didn't mean -"

"No. I've spent my entire life trying to be anything but myself. I changed my name, I changed my body, I acted like a bitch, and I built my walls. I couldn't let anyone in. I wouldn't even let myself in. And look where that got me. I dated the quarterback and became head cheerleader. I was determined to rule that school. I was popular. I was the head bitch in charge. Prom queen was mine for the taking. I thought I did everything right. I became everything I never was and always wanted to be. But I still felt empty. I still hated myself. I told myself I loved him. But I didn't. Then his best friend came along and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He got me a little drunk and I was feeling like shit about myself that day. I let him use me because, in that moment, it made me feel better. 'Trust me' he said. I gave him my virginity. And he got me pregnant. I've never even been with anyone since that night.

When my dad found out, he kicked me out and pretty much disowned me. I shuffled around three different houses until my mother let me come back home...after she left my father when she found out he was cheating on her. Then he threatened to not support my mother unless she sent me away. Away where I couldn't get into trouble again. Where I could meet a good Christian boy and live a good Christian life, just like my sister. But he will never love me like he loves my sister.

And now, I'm here."

It was just like a switch had flipped inside her head. I couldn't believe the fire that had just erupted from within Quinn. It was like everything she had been bottling up inside of her just poured out right in front of me. Pieces of her scattered everywhere with nothing to hide.

"I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of pretending everything is okay. I'm tired of pretending to be someone else."

I felt her hand on my neck, aggressively pulling me towards her as her other hand rested gently on my cheek. I closed my eyes as I felt her breath on my face and her lips crash into mine.


	8. Chapter 8

**a/n: **_OMG. guys, i'm so sorry for the long hiatus. there were unexpected family issues and travel during the holidays that kind of derailed me. it was going to be my first Christmas together with my wife as a married couple, but instead, we were separated by a few states. it sucked._

_but, now i'm back. thanks for bearing with me. i won't be updating everyday, but expect 2-3 updates a week. and i'll be writing a chapter or two ahead of what i'm posting so this doesn't happen again... now back to the story..._

_so. yeah. that ending was totally unexpected. even for me. i didn't intend for it to happen that way. i didn't even intend for their first kiss to happen for another few weeks (in story time). i didn't intend to write that Quinn rant. it just, sort of happened. and when Quinn got to that moment in time, that gigantic release of emotion and incredible vulnerability, it felt so right for that to happen then. when i went back to reread the chapter, it really reminded me of the scene in Emily's car where Paige kisses her for the first time. from Paige's awkward comment, to Emily's rant, to the unexpected kiss. again, it wasn't my intention to write something so similar, but it must of been floating around in the back of my head. and now it's interesting to see Paige on the receiving end this time._

_unfortunately, now i have to deal with Paige's reaction, which is also something i didn't think i would be writing this soon! i don't want to screw this up! haha._

_in other news, i definitely like the idea of Santana's nickname for Paige being "Mc'someting'"...i just haven't decided what that 'something' is yet, lol._

_and yes, i think the ship name should be McBray._

_and hopefully this one will have less typos than the last! oy._

I was still reeling from everything Quinn had just told me. The image I had of her from that first day was completely distorted. There was so much more complexity than one could see in a simple photograph. She had stripped off her protective layer and all I saw before me was a broken soul. I realized, despite our outward differences, we were very much the same. And then, in an instant, everything changed.

I stopped breathing and completely froze when her lips met mine. My brain stopped functioning. My instinctual response was to lean into the kiss. To kiss her back. My body knew what it wanted. My hand held the back of her head, my fingers threaded through her hair and I pulled her in even closer than she had pulled me. I savored the taste of her lips for the first time.

It was when my brain began to awaken that I realized what I was doing. I felt a knot in my stomach and my whole body tense up. My eyes shot open and I pulled away from Quinn, her hands releasing their grip. I sat there, motionless and breathless, my mouth gaping open. Quinn's eyes were searching my face, as if they were looking for an answer.

Part of me wanted to give in. Let go of everything holding me back. But the other part wouldn't let go. It wouldn't let go of the pain of my parents' rejection. It wouldn't let go of the fear of getting caught or getting thrown out and losing everything. It wouldn't let go of the thoughts of Emily.

"Paige, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to -"

"No. It's okay." I looked down towards the bed and nodded. "It...it was...good. Really good, actually." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My hands were shaking. "I...I just can't do this. Not right now, at least."

Quinn looked defeated. She had just bared her soul to me and I felt like I had just crushed it. "I just got caught up in everything. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't -"

"Trust me. I understand. Completely." I took her hand in mine to calm her. "Look, I'm here for you, okay? We're still friends. Nothing's changed between us." _ Except everything._ "We can get through this...together. You don't have to be alone."

Quinn nodded, though I could tell she was still overwhelmed from all the crying and the ranting and the kissing. I leaned in and gave her a hug.

"We should get you to bed."

* * *

When I awoke the next morning I saw that Quinn had already left. I felt sad that she had left to get breakfast without me, yet I felt relieved that I was able to avoid facing the awkwardness of last night for a little longer. I noticed that her duffle bag was missing as well. I suddenly remembered that she had cheer practice that morning and I didn't feel so bad about her abandoning me after all. I looked at my alarm clock and it was already past 10:00. I jumped out of my bed in a hurry. I had to be down at the fields by 11:00 for our noon-time game. I washed up, threw on my uniform, and grabbed my equipment before I ran downstairs to get a quick breakfast and a few bottles of water. I actually arrived at the field a few minutes early and plopped myself down on the ground. I took in a deep breath of the fresh fall air and ran my hands through the dewy grass. I tried to clear my mind and focus on the game at hand.

I watched the other girls mill around and chat with each other as I pulled on my shinguards and navy blue socks and laced up my cleats. No one even so much as said "Hi" to me. I wondered how long they could pretend that I didn't exist. Well, not everyone ignored me. I did get a few dirty looks thrown my direction, not unlike last night. I didn't understand what I had done to any of them to deserve to be treated like this. Was it because I was the new girl? Or were they just afraid of me...

The coach blew the whistle and we all gathered in a circle on one side of the field. We began our stretches as the opposing team began to file off their bus. As we began to run a few laps around the field, I noticed the cheerleading squad descending to the field from the hill the gym sat upon. I felt my face become flushed and my jogging pace sped up considerably as I felt like a ball of jumbled nerves. As we ran past the group of girls, in their modest uniforms, my eyes locked in with Quinn's. We didn't exchange a smile like we usually do though. I could still see the sadness in her eyes.

As we completed our final lap, we made our way to the bench where the coach gave us a generic pep talk and read off the starting line up. _Not this time, Paige. _ I let out a frustrated sigh before I found my spot on the bench.

I should have been following the game more closely. I should have been cheering for my teammates more loudly. But, instead I was disheartened by the empty bleachers and my teammates' distaste for me. And I was still distracted by last night. Nothing I did seemed to clear my mind. And most of all, I was distracted by the cheerleaders' chants coming from across the field. I wasn't used to there being cheerleaders at a field hockey game. But, I guess in an all-girls' school, there's not much else to cheer for, is there? My eyes were fixed on Quinn the entire time. All I could think about was her hand upon my face. Her lips against mine. I felt bad for thinking about those things, but still, nothing was able to break my gaze from her. Not the girls running up and down the field, not the refs blowing their whistles, and not even the girls on the bench shouting all around me. Fortunately, I didn't see any playing time in the first half. I would have been much too distracted by the scenery.

I didn't end up spending the entire game on the bench though. A little more than half way through the second half, our sweeper got a slapshot to the knee. With a painful yowl she fell to the ground as the game stopped and the coach and assistant ran over to tend to her. When they brought her over to the bench to ice her up I heard, "McCullers!"

I snapped my head around to the coach as I was completely caught off guard.

"You're in."

I tried to hold back the smile that was creeping onto my face.

"Yes, ma'am!"

I picked up my stick, put in my mouthguard, and ran full speed onto the field in front of the goalie. The game was tied 3-3 when I entered and I was determined not to let any of those St. Mary's girls get past me. When play resumed, I swear I could hear Quinn's voice above all the others, cheering.

We were down to the final minute of the game and we had taken a 4-3 lead a few minutes earlier. I saw one of the St. Mary's girls take the ball from one of my teammates and make a break for it. She passed the ball, past one of our defenders, to one of the girls who had just entered the circle. I charged towards her but she unleashed a forceful pass to the other girl who was now close to the goal. I changed direction as fast as I could and sprinted to block the corner of the goal post as the goalie had gone to block the other girl as well. As she brought up her stick to shoot, I dove in front of the net, stick down, and closed my eyes as I slid across the ground. I felt the stick send shockwaves to my hand and the bench start to scream. I opened my eyes and saw the ball bounce in the air from my stick and land on the ground with a soft thud. The goaltender rushed forward and kicked the ball out of the area as the final whistle blew.

The bench erupted with excitement and the cheerleaders led a cheer. Did I really just save the game? I picked myself off the ground and brushed off the dirt and grass as best as I could. I looked back over towards the cheerleaders and saw Quinn's face light up as I smiled at her. I could see the smile grow across her face as she cheered louder than everyone else.

* * *

I sat on the bench in the locker room fiddling with the tape on my stick. A few of the girls gave me a simple "nice job" or "way to go" as we made our way back to the locker room. But that was about it. It was frustrating feeling like most of them still didn't respect me, for whatever reason. It felt like a losing battle at this point. As much as I hate to admit it, it hurt a little bit.

The locker room was just about empty when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Quinn smiling down at me.

"You were great out there today."

I smiled back sheepishly. "Thanks."

An awkward silence hung around us thicker than the smell of sweaty cleats. She sat down next to me on the cool wood and stared down at the floor. I continued to fiddle with the tape. I felt her hand grab ahold of mine before she spoke.

"I think we need to talk about last night."

I nodded.

Neither of us said anything else. She finally released my hand and stood up from the bench. She turned towards me, "See you at the room?"

I looked at her briefly before returning my gaze to the field hockey stick. "Yeah," I replied, dryly.

* * *

I had decided to take a shower in the locker room since no one was there. I hadn't brought a change of clothes, but I had a spare pair of shorts and t-shirt in my locker. As I stood under the steady stream of water, I thought about what our conversation would be like when I returned. Would Quinn still be upset? Or embarrassed? Or even angry? I had no idea what to expect.

I packed up my things and made my way across the campus back to our room. When I arrived, I slowly opened the door and peered in. Quinn was sitting on her bed with her computer in her lap, already in her pajamas. She looked up towards me as the door creaked open.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey. In for the night?"

She nodded. "Last night was enough to last me the whole weekend."

I placed my bags down next to my dresser and kicked off my sandals. I heard her click her laptop shut and place it down on her nightstand. "Can we talk?"

I froze when I heard those three words. I turned my head to her. "Yeah."

She took a deep breath before she spoke.

"Look, Paige, I'm sorry for what I did to you last night. It wasn't fair. I shouldn't have unloaded all that baggage onto you. I shouldn't have, you know -"

"Quinn. I told you already. It's okay. I'm not mad."

"You're not? Truthfully?"

"I'm not. Promise."

I looked away from her and sighed.

"I...I have secrets, too, you know."

Quinn shook her head, knowingly.

"I've...I've wanted to...kiss you before."

Her eyes widened. I knew I shouldn't have told her that.

"I know. It's stupid. I felt stupid. I...I wish I -"

She shushed me before I could finish my sentence.

"It's okay," she whispered.

She patted next to her on the bed, requesting me to sit down. I slowly made my way over and sat beside her. We stared at each other for a moment without saying a word.

"Is it because you have a girlfriend?"

I let out a small chuckle. "No. But how -"

She laughed an smiled. "Please. I've had my suspicions since day one." She cocked her eyebrow at me. "You were the first girl I've met that didn't want to talk about boys all the time. Plus, no one ever had looked at me like that before."

I blushed as I smiled at her. I felt a sense of relief that I didn't need to come out, again. That I wouldn't need to face that rejection again. My heart still hasn't fully healed from the last time.

She paused for a moment. "What about that girl...Emily?"

My breath got caught in my throat. "How...how do you know about Emily?"

"Well. After show choir...Katelyn and I came back to the room. I could hear you on the phone though, and I didn't want to disturb you. Katelyn was being nosy and started listening through the door. She said you sounded upset. I admit, I began to listen, too." I could tell she was embarrassed. "I heard you say the name Emily, and it all kind of clicked in my head. I told her we should probably head back to her room."

A wave of concern came over me. "Do you think Katelyn knows?"

"I don't know. She asked if I knew who you were talking to. I lied and told her I did, that it was your best friend from back home. I don't think she thought anything of it."

"So, you've known all this time? What about all those comments about hitting on boys and stuff..."

"I...I didn't want to come right out and ask you. I thought you would tell me when you were comfortable. I didn't want to force you to do or say anything you didn't want to." She sighed again. "Instead...last night happened."

I could see her becoming noticeably uncomfortable.

"And I'm sorry for that."

We both stared at the wall in front of us, saying nothing. I was trying to process all the thoughts running through my head at that moment. Finally, I rested my hand on top of hers.

"Quinn. I meant what I said last night. That I'll be here for you. I know what you're going through isn't easy." I tried with all my strength to hold back my tears. "I know all too well."

Quinn looked towards me and gave me a little smile and gently squeezed my hand. "Thank you."

I returned the glance. I searched her eyes, trying to read what she was thinking. Then I found myself staring at her lips again. Wanting to close the distance between us and kiss her. But all I could do was look away.


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n:** _this chapter is just a heart to heart between the two. with a touch of Faberry. not too much action...but things will start to pick up again next update. some drama at school and, well, let's just say there's a little trip to Lima looming on the horizon..._

_question for you guys: what do you think Paige and Quinn should be for a Halloween party?_

* * *

I let out a sigh and looked at Quinn again. I just stared at her for a bit before any words could even come out.

"You and me. We're a lot alike."

Quinn nodded. "Oh yeah?"

"I mean, other than you being pretty and popular and smart and outgoing. And a mother. And blonde." I chuckled. "And a cheerleader. But I won't hold that one against you."

She scowled at me and then laughed.

"So really, were complete opposites, is what you're saying," she paused and smiled. "We just happened to take similar paths."

"Yeah."

"Oh, by the way, if you ever say again that you're not pretty, I will punch you. That's a promise."

We laughed before silence fell between us.

"I got kicked out, too. Sort of." I suddenly got serious and Quinn's demeanor changed immediately.

"My dad," I continued, "he...he didn't take my coming out so well. He wanted to throw me out of the house right then and there. He never said it. But I could tell. My mother is the only reason he didn't. So he sent me here instead. He barely spoke a word to me after I came out."

I was beginning to become visibly upset and Quinn began to run her hand up and down my back.

"He's a deacon. So, I get the whole religious upbringing."

Quinn nodded in agreement.

"I never was outstanding academically, but I was always a good athlete. My dad pushed me so hard and expected perfection from me that I began to expect perfection from myself 100% of the time. And I began to hate what I was doing. I quit field hockey and swimming became a chore. And then there was Emily Fields..."

Quinn had a puzzled look on her face.

"I...I had a crush on her, from afar, for as long as I can remember. She was one of the 'it' girls. Her and her 4 friends kind of ruled the school."

"Ah...those girls," Quinn said, rolling her eyes, and subtly acknowledging her role as one of "those girls" at her old school.

"Yeah. She was different than the rest of them. She was always kind and caring and would do anything to help someone out. She was honest and trusting, almost to a fault. But her one friend, Alison, hated me. We butted heads...a lot. We were both very competitive people. And she set out to make my life miserable. She was relentless. So I kept my distance from Emily. I never really talked to her. But Ali...she knew. She just knew. She could tell by the way I looked at Emily. So she set me up. She wrote me a fake letter from Emily, saying that she liked me and had feelings for me. She had me deliver my response, confessing all my feelings to her. And she took it. And she held it over my head and threatened to tell tell my father. She blackmailed me."

Quinn was taken aback. "That's horrible..."

"As if I didn't hate myself enough for feeling that way. I tried to repress it and tried to like boys but I couldn't change who I was. And then Ali just stuck a knife into my already broken heart. I was hurting so badly and I had no one to turn to. I was all alone."

I finally gave into my emotions and began to cry. Quinn hugged me and tried to comfort me. After the tears slowed, I continued.

"But I wasn't the only one Ali hurt. She controlled everyone. Eventually, that got her in trouble and she went missing. They found her body a year later."

Quinn let out a shocked gasp.

"I felt bad for Emily. I really did. They were very close. But I heard a lot of people around school talking. Some people said she had it coming. Others were just relieved. It was like everyone in the town was a suspect."

"I get the feeling your high school was a lot different than mine..."

"That's an understatement. I don't think there's anywhere quite like Rosewood."

I really began to open up to Quinn. More than I have to anyone else other than Emily. I told her about Maya moving into Ali's house and how they started dating. And how I was jealous of Maya. And how, when Emily came out and took my spot on the swim team and was...happy, she became everything I had always wanted. And how I began to resent her. How I kissed her in the car and finally admitted to her, and myself, that I was gay. I told Quinn of my mistakes, like dunking her in the pool to get her attention and not coming out earlier and losing her. And despite all this, how Emily forgave me. And then I told her about Maya's murder and how Emily is still trying to cope with it now. That I wish I could be there to support her.

Quinn seemed flabbergasted by my sordid tale. She didn't really know what to say.

"I'm just trying to live my life. Trying to accept who I am and embrace it. It's not easy. Especially here." I squeezed Quinn's hand, letting my touch do the speaking for itself.

"Let me show you something." Quinn hopped off the bed and went over to her drawer and rummaged through a box. She returned and handed me a picture.

"Who is that?"

"That's Lucy Caboosey."

I looked at the photo and then at Quinn with a puzzled look.

"Lucy. Lucy Quinn Fabray."

"Wait." I was still baffled. I kept looking between the picture and the beautiful blonde sitting next to me. "What?"

"It's me. In 8th grade. Pre-nose job, before I dyed my hair, and before I lost some weight. I was miserable. Everyone made fun of me and I had no friends." She smirked at me. "I thought I could change myself completely. That then I could love myself. For awhile I did. Until it all fell apart. The only person I was kidding was myself. I just became so obsessed with being the person I had always wanted instead of the person I really was. I feel like I dated Finn and all those other boys for all the wrong reasons."

"Well, we all do strange things to try and get what we want. Like trying to drown someone."

"Or get pregnant."

We both laughed at the remarks and sat in silence for a moment afterwards.

"When...when did you realize you were...you know..."

"Probably last year. No, definitely last year."

"How?"

"You know the picture that you were snooping at with the football player and that other girl?"

I blushed. "Yes..."

"Well, that's Finn, my ex. And Rachel, his current girlfriend."

"Okay?" I was somewhat perplexed at this point. Especially at the fact she would have a picture like that displayed in her room.

"While Finn and I were dating, I could tell Rachel and Finn had something going on. That's why I joined the Glee club in the first place, to keep tabs on Finn. I joked that everyone would think he were gay because he was in Glee and that I'd be his beard, but as it turns out...I was projecting at the time, because I had no clue what was to come. You see, I wasn't that upset about losing Finn himself. I was more upset about losing status. If anything, I was more jealous _of _him.

"Jealous of _him_?" I asked. This explanation was getting more and more confusing.

"Even though I teased Rachel endlessly, I thought she was a good person...despite her flaws. She was passionate and driven and extremely talented. She exuded confidence, sometimes a little too much, but she was so sure of herself. She wasn't the prettiest girl in school or the most popular, but she didn't need to be. It was all from within. She didn't try to be someone else. And even though I harassed her, she was still kind and compassionate towards me. She still cared about me as a person. She's one of the most genuine people I know. I should have been jealous of Rachel for getting Finn, but instead, I realized I was jealous of Finn for being with Rachel. I felt more of a connection and more of an attraction to Rachel than I ever felt with Finn. But it was easier to tease her than to confront my feelings for her."

I knew the feeling all too well.

"I didn't know if it was just Rachel or if, you know, I liked girls in general. I had thought about the possibility of being bi, or even gay, but with a bun in the oven, that wasn't really my top priority. So, I kind of ignored it for awhile."

Quinn smiled at me and then looked away.

"What?" I said, grinning and running my hand down her arm.

"And then I came here and met you."

I felt my breathing stop and my face turn bright red.

"I don't know. From the moment I saw you, I couldn't get over how pretty you were. And with our little conversations every night, I immediately began to feel a connection to you. A connection that I don't have with the other friends I've made here. I found myself thinking about you all the time. And I realized, no, it _wasn't_ just Rachel. This is something else."

I couldn't look at her. I was too overwhelmed by the words coming out of her mouth. I wasn't very good at compliments, nor was I used to people actually liking me and returning my affections. But I still felt too torn up inside to act on my feelings. Without really thinking, I wrapped my arms around her as she had done for me.

We laid in bed, arms wrapped around each other, draped in silence. Her warmth comforted me and her heartbeat calmed me. With each breath of hers I felt on my neck, I my eyelids grew heavier. As I began to give into exhaustion, I brought her body even tighter to mine. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel alone.


	10. Chapter 10

I rolled over and open my eyes and quickly remembered that I wasn't sleeping in my own bed.

"Good morning, sunshine."

I jumped up and saw Quinn sitting at her desk on her computer, drinking from a coffee cup. I rubbed my eyes and glanced over to my clock on the other side of the room. 10:48.

"Crap! I missed mass!" Those were three words I never thought would come out of my mouth.

"I know. I said you were sick and, unless they wanted puke in their pews, they were better off without you there." She smiled and turned back to her computer screen.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I asked, somewhat embarrassed.

Quinn turned and looked towards me again, giving me a strange look.

"Oh, trust me, I tried. But you just moan and groan and flail and it's no fun for anyone. I'd say you sleep like a log, but, I don't believe logs snore."

Quinn had a very smug look while my face was burning up. I threw the sheets over my head to hide my embarrassment.

"Quit it. You're fine. I'm just giving you a hard time."

Eventually I got out of bed and puttered around the room for what was left of the morning. I didn't really know what to say to Quinn after our talk last night. I guess there really wasn't much _to_ say. I decided being antsy around the room wasn't doing me any good, so I decided to head to the gym and run for a bit.

"Will you be back for dinner?" Quinn stopped me on my way out.

"Of course," I replied with a smile.

* * *

I arrived at the gym, but thought it was far too nice to stay inside for the day. I contemplated running on the track outside but, I realized, that everyone would be able to see me...and how _not _sick I was. So I scraped that idea. Then, I remembered some of the girls on the team talking about the trails in the woods behind the gym. Perfect.

I jogged along the perimeter of the school property until I came across a small clearing in the brush. I stared at the dirt path before me and began to run as fast as I could. Twigs cracked beneath my feet as I tried to maneuver around rocks and dips in the winding trail. Branches reached out and scratched at my bare legs but failed to slow my pace. I ran at full speed until my legs began to ache and my lungs began to burn. And even then, I pushed myself a little bit further. I enjoyed the pain. It made me feel more alive.

Eventually I slowed to a brisk jog and continued to follow the trail until I reached a larger clearing. The trail ended at the bank of a small stream. I saw a few beer cans littered in the bushes and quickly realized this must be a secret hangout spot for the few girls that weren't as innocent as they seemed.

I sat on a large rock nestled next to a tree beside the water. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in of the cool, crisp air. I focused on the sounds around me, the murmuring of the water, the wind rustling through the trees, and the birds singing and dancing. I began to mindlessly pick up pebbles and roll them between my fingers before tossing them into the stream, watching them sink down to the bottom and the ripples disturb the surface of the water. I tried to focus on anything but Quinn, but I couldn't help it. All I could think about was her blonde hair and soothing voice. Her smell and her smile. The way we understood each other like no one else could. I could feel her arms around me. And I could still feel that kiss.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. We were friends, and nothing more. That's what I had wanted. I felt bad thinking about her all the time. Like as if I were invading her personal space. But I felt so confused. I wanted something more. But I was scared. Terrified. I thought I was done with being scared.

Things felt so complicated after this weekend.

Maybe I need to stop being afraid and acknowledge how I feel for her. Maybe this is what will help me get past Emily. Past my father's rejection. Maybe all of this was meant to happen.

I stood up, my legs a bit shaky, and began my run back to campus. My mind was racing as fast as my legs. What would I say to Quinn? _"Just kidding. I do really like you and I do want something more."_ No. I felt bad giving her the run around. Maybe I could kiss her? Then I wouldn't need to say anything at all. But would that be too forward?

"What are you doing here, Paige?"

I came to a dead stop as three girls stood before me, blocking the trail.

"Hi, Bianca," I said, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. Bianca was one of the starters on the team, another defender like me. She was rather intimidating, but she had never spoken a word to me before. I was surprised she even knew my name.

"I said, what are you doing here." Her voice became more scathing. The two girls that flanked her on either side, underclassmen from the team, began to give me scornful glares.

"I...I...was, uh, just going for a r-run..."

"You shouldn't be here," she growled.

"I...I didn't kn-know, I...I swear..."

"Get out of my face."

My heart sank. I stood there, frozen. I knew some of the girls on the team didn't care for me, but I didn't know that it was this bad. That they could be this cruel.

"What don't you understand? Leave! And if I see you here again, you'll regret the day you were born."

I nodded as I tried to squeeze my way past the three girls. As I did, I felt Bianca's hands thrust against my shoulder and shove me to the ground. I closed my eyes and cried out as I felt the thorns of a bush envelop my arm and my legs and knees hit the rocky ground. My eyes shot open once I realized what had happened. The dust swirled around me as I looked back at the girls running away. I saw Bianca turn and stop. She yelled, "You better watch your back, dyke!" before they left for good.

The pain from the fall was nothing compared to the pain I felt from Bianca's comment. I began to sob as I picked myself off the ground.

* * *

"Oh my God, Paige, what happened to you!" Quinn jumped up from her bed and ran over to me.

"N-nothing. I just fell while I was running on a trail," I lied.

"Are you okay?!" she asked as she began to rummage through one of her drawers.

"For the most part."

"Let's get you cleaned up." Quinn pulled out a small first aid kit from one of her storage drawers. Of course she would have a first aid kit. It made a smile grow on my face. "Sit down."

I sat on my desk chair as Quinn kneeled on the ground in front of me. She unwrapped an alcohol wipe and cleaned up the scrapes on my knees. I jerked and squirmed in my chair as the alcohol touched the bloody wounds. Quinn grabbed one of my legs to keep me from flailing more. "Sorry, I should've warned you."

Her arm wrapped around my leg sent an entirely different sensation through my body. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I let the burning flow through my veins...the burning from the alcohol and the burning from her skin against mine.

She dressed the wounds with some gauze before attending to the scratches on my right arm.

"Take off your shirt." Quinn said, nonchalantly.

"What?" I was thrown off by her request.

"Take off your shirt. It looks like you have some cuts under there, too."

I looked down and noticed some rips in my shirt. I hadn't even realized the extent of my injuries as my eyes were shrouded with tears my entire run back to the room. I lifted the torn shirt above my head, the fabric rubbing against the scratches and sending a shooting pain up my back. I suddenly realized how exposed I was, standing before Quinn in only a sports bra and pair of shorts.

"Hold on," Quinn said, grabbing a washcloth and running to the bathroom. She returned, running the cold, damp cloth up and down my arm.

She looked at me again, with concern in her eyes. "Are you really okay? You seem a little...off."

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm okay." I didn't want to divulge all the details of the incident.

I felt the cloth running over the cuts on my ribs and it sent a spark through my skin. Quinn kneeled down in front of me again and carefully cleaned the wounds. The coolness of the cloth combined with Quinn's touch sent chills through my body. Goosebumps grew all over my arms and I even felt my nipples harden. I hoped Quinn didn't notice. It was too embarrassing. I swallowed a loud gulp as Quinn's free hand held me just above my hip.

Suddenly, Quinn stopped cleaning my wounds. I looked down at her, distracted, staring at my body. She began to lightly run her fingers across my stomach as there was a hitch in her breath. It was becoming too much for me to handle as my entire body tingled. She looked up and our eyes met. She had a desperate, longing look. I could tell she was thinking the same things I was. We stared at each other for a moment, before she broke our gaze.

"I'm sorry," she bashfully said.

"Don't be. Thank you for taking care of me," I smiled back at her.

She continued to run her fingers along my stomach and I jumped when I felt her tracing one of my old scars.

"What happened?"

I tried to play dumb. "What?"

"What happened? How did you get that scar?"

I felt my face get flushed. I tried to come up with a suitable lie. "Hah. I don't even remember. I have so many scars I can't even keep track. I probably fell off my bike or something..."

I looked down and saw Quinn furrow her brow. "Oh." I could tell she didn't fully believe me, but she didn't pry any further.

"I should probably go get cleaned up. All this dirt and sweat isn't very becoming," I said, smiling at Quinn. "I'm going to go jump in the shower." _An ice, cold shower._

* * *

We got dinner together that night with her usual choir friends. I pretended to head to the library as they headed to the auditorium for rehearsal. As soon as they were far enough ahead of me, I trailed behind, following them. Once I was sure their rehearsal had started, I quietly sneaked into the darkened auditorium and sat in the last row of seats. I watched the girls sing and work on their choreography and I was amazed by how talented some of them were. But my eyes were glued to Quinn as she gracefully moved across the stage.

And then, she sang a short solo. I felt like my heart was going to explode. I didn't think she could get any more perfect than she already was.

With each passing moment, I felt myself falling harder and harder for Lucy Quinn Fabray.


	11. Chapter 11

**a/n: **_hey guys, here's another update! not quite as long, but I hope you like it. i hope to get one more done by the end of this weekend. thanks to everyone for the reviews (_cici_ - you are right on the nose with your observations, although there's more drama brewing around the corner), and keep 'em coming! good and bad! i really do take them all to heart and try to make this story better (and make more sense)._

_also, i probably shouldn't write when i'm randomly craving popcorn..._

* * *

I felt a little self conscious changing into my practice clothes for field hockey. My knees and legs were all banged up and my arm still full of scratches.

"Have a nice fall, McCullers?" one girl said to me as I shoved my bag into my locker. I turned and ignored her snide remark, but as I heard her giggle, it cut right through me. I knew that Bianca must have told the rest of the team what she had done to me yesterday. As I made my way through the locker room and out to the field, I felt the glares and the sneers and heard the laughter and the chatter. I tried not to crack, not to show any emotion at all. I wasn't going to let these girls get the best of me.

As we did our warm up run, I let myself fall to the rear of the pack to try and avoid most of the girls. I never let myself fall behind everyone else, but, it was easier than being teased and laughed at. As we rounded the final bend, the coach pulled me aside as the girls circled up and ran their stretches. I began stretching on my own as the coach spoke to me.

"Everything all right out there today, McCullers?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, you seemed a little slow out there today and you're a little banged up. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She folded her arms as she looked at my battered legs. "We need you this week."

"I'm okay. I...I just had an accident running this weekend."

"Be careful. I don't need any other players getting injured."

"Yes, ma'am."

She patted me on the back as I returned to the team to join the circle. No one moved an inch, though, to let me in, so I just sat behind the rest of the girls.

I tried to stay in my own head, stay focused on practice, and tune everyone else out. I was successful...until the scrimmage. Much to my dismay, I was placed on the same team as Bianca. We were positioned as the only two defenders on our team. As we took our positions on the field, she turned to me and scowled.

"Don't screw up."

* * *

My hands were shaking as I struggled to get my key into the door. After fumbling around for a bit, I threw the door open to a darkened room. I tossed my messenger bag to the floor with some force, slammed the door shut and let out an exasperated scream. As soon as I had finished my fit, I saw Quinn quietly perched on her bed. She was silent, her hand halfway to her mouth holding a piece of popcorn, frozen in place. I was mortified that I had put on such a show in front of her. I thought for sure she wouldn't be in the room.

She pulled down her headphones from her ears and placed the piece of popcorn in her mouth. Once she finished chewing, she finally spoke.

"I suspect you had a lousy day, too?"

"What gave you that idea?" I snapped back with a snarky tone. I didn't mean to give her attitude, I was still just trying to calm down.

"Well, okay, grumpy pants, no need to bite _my_ head off. At least you didn't spill coffee all over yourself this morning. Or get a B in History. A B!"

"I get B's all the ti-"

"Well, I don't. Yale won't even look at me if I have B's!"

I was taken aback by her comment.

"Sorry," she continued, more gently, "I didn't mean it like that. I guess I'm still a little wound up, too."

She put another handful of popcorn into her mouth. The crunching of the snack was the only sound in the room.

"I also quit the cheerleading squad," she nonchalantly said, her mouth still half full.

"Wait, what?" I was completely caught off-guard by her throwaway line.

"You know that whole 'I'm tired of being someone else' breakdown? Yeah, that."

I stared at her with a puzzled look still.

"I hate it. I'm not going to even pretend to like it anymore. At least at McKinley it was challenging. And we were top notch. And-"

"And you're not head cheerleader anymore."

"And I'm not head cheerleader anymore. Yes. But it's more than that."

"Oh, really?" I was enjoying giving Quinn a hard time.

"Yes, really!" she yelled as she threw a handful of popcorn at me. "You're a punk, you know that? I, honestly, can't stand it anymore. I feel much more at home with the show choir anyway."

I smiled as I thought about Quinn singing with the other girls. "That officially makes you a nerd."

She smiled back. "Then so be it. I bet you think its hot, anyway."

I looked away, not wanting to acknowledge the truth in that statement.

"So," she continued, shoving another handful into her mouth, "what's your deal?"

I strained to understand her. "Uhm, I got into a fight with one of the girls on the team."

"Seriously?" She nearly spit out what she had in her mouth.

"Seriously. She's been giving me a hard time lately and today she decided to plow into me and try to trip me."

"No way."

"But I was just fed up with her crap, you know? So I threw my stick to the ground before I confronted her and threw _her _to the ground."

Quinn stopped chewing and froze in place again.

"Some of the girls started freaking out and the coach came over to separate us. The other girl was about ready to fight back. The assistant coach took over practice while the coach gave us a stern warning. Next time anything like that happened, we would be suspended. And then she dismissed us from practice and escorted us back to the building. I wasn't going to hang around, so I just bolted back here."

Quinn extended her arm towards me with the bowl in her hand. "Popcorn?"

* * *

"I think we missed dinner."

I looked over towards my alarm clock to confirm Quinn's suspicions. Time flies when you're having fun...or having a movie marathon while consuming three bags of popcorn.

"That was a totally acceptable use of an afternoon."

"Agreed," Quinn replied with a huge grin on her face.

I took her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You feeling better?"

She smirked. "Yes."

I should have pulled my hand away, but I didn't. She should have pulled her hand away, but she didn't. Instead, I stared at my hand, resting atop hers, glowing from the dim light of the laptop screen. I looked up at Quinn again, only to find her already staring at me.

"What?" I asked sheepishly.

She smiled back. "Absolutely nothing."

I got lost in her eyes. My eyes trailed down to glance at her perfect lips before returning. This was it. This was my chance. I refused to let those girls get to me. I didn't care what anyone else thought. This is what I wanted. Nothing, or no one, was going to stop me. I closed my eyes, but before I could even move in to kiss Quinn, I felt her lips brush against mine.

My hand moved from her hand, up her arm and to her neck. We shared light, sweet kisses before it I felt my entire body begin to tingle. My hand weaved its way through her hair and I pulled her in closer to me, deepening the kiss. I felt her drag her hand down my back as I pulled away to catch my breath. I could tell she felt satisfied by my reaction. I leaned in again, continuing the kiss. I began to massage the back of her head and took a gentle nibble of her bottom lip. She let out a soft moan that sent shockwaves through my body. We kissed more passionately, more fiercely, with each passing moment. I felt her tongue run along my lower lip and I opened my mouth to allow her access. Her tongue swirled against mine as we dueled back and forth. She was holding me now, both of her hands just above my hips and it was driving me absolutely wild. I wrapped my free arm around her back and brought her body closer to mine. I could feel her deepen the kiss as I did.

When we had run out of breath, we finally pulled away and stared into each other's eyes, panting with exhaustion. I brought my hand forward and lightly rubbed her cheek with my thumb.

With an exasperated breath and a smile, I said, "I don't think I've ever felt anything like that before."

Quinn nodded. "Me neither."

"Gee, you mean Finn wasn't that great of a kisser?"

She gave me a coy smile. "Shut up and kiss me."


	12. Chapter 12

**a/n: **_Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay, I had major writer's block this week. I'm still not totally happy with this chapter, but it kind of sets up the next few, which are going to be...well, a lot of things! But anyway, things are going to begin to speed up quite a bit (in story time) as the exposition is wrapping up. My plans for this story take it to the end of the school year...and I don't know if you're keeping track, but we're only into the third week! So hang tight! There is still so much drama a-brewin'..._

_Also, I will be updating again TOMORROW (yay), so thanks for being patient._

**paily lover:** _i'm totally awful a naming characters, so i usually just look at a list of popular names from when that character was born and call it a day. so, i totally saw BIANCA! and was like, PERFECT! 'cause i thought of bianca lawson...who played maya, just like you said. and bianca was also the name of annoying little sister in 10 things, which, of course, lindsey shaw starred in on TV._

**cici: **_honestly, the window scene and that whole coming out scene is like, one of my favorite paily scenes, and i think it will always be. without a doubt, that's probably the most important kiss in paige's life right there. but, i feel like it was a different moment in time. and i still feel like she was still bottled up a bit and not ready to let herself really be comfortable with herself. so now the kiss with quinn, she's freer and more comfortable with herself and i feel like that allows her to feel even more. i kind of see it as similar to her kiss with em by the pool. they're both emotional and amazing, just *shrug* different._

* * *

I didn't sleep that much last night, so I guess it only seemed fitting that I would be up before the alarm. Holding a beautiful girl in my arms all night was terribly distracting...that and I couldn't get over how perfectly her body fit into mine. We had stayed up much later than we should have just kissing and talking

I lightly placed kisses along Quinn's shoulder until she began to stir. As she rubbed her eyes and murmured, I whispered into her ear, "Good morning."

Quinn rolled over so that she was now facing me. She stared up at me and whined, "No," as she nuzzled further into my body. Everything she did was so incredibly adorable.

The last thing I wanted to do was let go of Quinn and get out of this bed. I wished I could just stay here, with her, forever. But another day of torture beckoned to me.

* * *

Every morning, I waited in excited anticipation for lunch period when I would get to see Quinn again. We always sat next to each other, each day, a little closer. Our legs were always touching, and sometimes, when no one was watching, Quinn would place her hand on my leg. We exchanged smiles knowing we had something special, something that was just ours, our own secret. Just her smile and her touch helped me get through the rest of the day.

I went to practice as normal on Tuesday. I just pretended that Monday had never happened. I used all my willpower to not knock out Bianca and tried to ignore her as best as I could. In fact, I tried to ignore _all_ the girls. I didn't need any of them. I only needed one girl.

I ran faster and I worked harder the entire week. I felt like I had something to prove. Not to anyone else, just to myself. I had to prove that these girls couldn't bring me down. I saw a lot more playing time during Thursday's game and, for the first time, was actually looking forward towards Saturday's big home game. I'd miss not seeing Quinn cheering on the sidelines though.

Every night felt like a dream. Quinn made me promise that I would still get all my school work done and not let her presence be a distraction. The days she had rehearsal were the easiest, because whenever she was around, I had trouble taking my eyes off her.

Most nights we'd end up laying in her bed, cuddling and watching a movie. Followed by kissing...and some sleeping. It was a routine that I was sure I could get used to. And before I knew it, another week was gone.

"Hey, do you want to go to a party tomorrow night?" Quinn asked me, out of the blue.

"I didn't even know they had parties around here."

"Neither did I. Apparently it's invite only though. I guess they try to keep it secret for a reason. Katelyn invited me."

"Look at you, little miss popular," I said, smirking at Quinn.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure if I want to go. I probably should though," Quinn reached over and weaved her fingers through fine, "I would certainly go if a certain someone came with me."

"Oh yeah, who would that be?"

Quinn scowled at me. "I know parties aren't really your kind of thing, but..."

"Quinn Fabray, are you asking me out on a date?"

"Perhaps," she smiled, "Would you at least consider it?"

"But, I wasn't invited..."

"I'm inviting you, right now, silly."

I didn't reply, I just stared at her hand intertwined with mine.

"Please?" Quinn asked again with a sugary sweet tone.

I looked up at her again and sighed. "You know I can't say no to you."

She leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I didn't know it'd be this easy to have you whipped."

* * *

The next morning I pried myself from Quinn's bed to head down to the fields early before our game. I went over and sat on the bench and pondered everything that was going on. It seemed like things happened so suddenly. So quickly. But it all felt right.

I pulled my phone out of my bag and thumbed through my contacts. I stopped when I got to Emily's name. I clicked to open a new text window and started to type. _hey em_

And I stopped. I wanted to tell her about everything going on, but I second guessed myself. We really hadn't spoken since our phone conversation at the start of school, so it might be weird. I locked the phone and threw it back into my bag. I took in a deep breath and just stared vacantly around the fields waiting for the rest of the team to show up.

We did our warm-ups and the coach read off the starting line-up. She listed off the entire line-up before she said, "Sweeper, Paige McCullers." Quite honestly, I wasn't expecting to start. When the coach read my name, an awkward silence overcame the bench. I saw Jenny turn towards me and give me a look that could kill a puppy. Jenny was one of Bianca's minions; I never had known her name until this Thursday when she was put as starting sweeper since our usual starter was still hurt.

The coach gave her usual pep talk and we ran onto the field to begin the game. As much as I hate to admit it, I was shaken by the team's reaction, particularly Jenny's. I wasn't playing my best, which was probably the worst thing possible in my first starting opportunity. Early in the first half, I let one of the other team's forwards get by me, which led to them taking an early lead. I felt so defeated. I thought for sure the coach would pull me out after that, but as the game continued on, I realized she had no intention of doing so. Jenny subbed for me briefly to give me a rest, but as I reentered the game, she shot me another deadly look.

As we were lining up for the second half, I looked towards the bleachers. I saw Quinn sitting there, waving. I couldn't believe she had come down to support me. Knowing she was there refilled me with strength as the second half began.

With Quinn by my side, I played well the rest of the game, and we ended up winning 3-1. After the game, the coach pulled me aside and congratulated me on a strong outing. She told me if I kept up this kind of play, the starting position would be mine. I was excited, of course, but I had no idea what kind of backlash I would get from my teammates.

* * *

"Should I wear this?" Quinn said, holding up a dark pink dress, "Or this?" She threw the pink dress to her bed and picked up a lavender dress.

"What, are we going to a librarian party?" I remarked.

Before I had the chance to make any other snarky comments, I saw a lavender dress being launched at my head.

"Pink it is," Quinn answered herself.

She walked over to her closet and began to rummage through, presumably for her signature cardigan.

I quietly approached her from behind.

"I think you dropped this," I said, holding out the other dress.

As she turned around, I grabbed her waist and pulled her towards me, gently placing a kiss on her lips. We lingered there for a moment and I could tell Quinn was aching for more. As she began to lean in, I released her from my grip and pulled away.

"I guess I should get ready now," I casually said as I turned and headed back to my side of the room. I felt a wad of cloth hit the back of my head. I turned and saw the lavender dress laying on the ground in a crumpled ball.

"Tease."

Amused, I smiled back at Quinn. "I only learned from the best."

I tried to piece together an outfit from what little I had clean. I pulled out a white collared button down shirt and slipped it on over my tank top. As I did, Quinn's coy expression caught my eye. Not to be outdone, she unknotted the towel she was wearing.

"Two can play this game."

I couldn't believe the audacity Quinn had. She stood across from me, completely naked. I froze as my eyes followed the curves of her body...it was even more perfect than I had imagined.

"Can I help you?" She jolted me out of my silent admiration.

She slipped on a pair of underwear and put on her bra, all the while giving me suggestive glances. I tried to look away because I knew this would lead no where good. I dug deeper into my closet when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and was no more than a few inches from a nearly naked Quinn. I swore I stopped breathing entirely. She began to unbutton the top few buttons of my shirt as she kissed my neck. And then nibbled at my neck. And then made her way down to my collarbone. And then to where she had just unbuttoned the shirt. There were shivers through my entire body and my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. She placed one last gentle kiss on my cheek before she pulled away and reached into my closet and grabbed a black blazer.

"Wear this."

She sauntered back to her side of the room and continued to get dressed without saying another word. I was able to finally catch my breath, but I wasn't able to fully recover.

* * *

"So, where exactly are we going?"

"I'm not really sure, Katelyn gave me directions though."

As Quinn read from the crumpled paper, I slipped my hand into her free hand. I surprised myself with the courage to publicly acknowledge whatever it was that we had, though it was under the blanket of darkness. There was a sense of relief, and even giddiness, when she held my hand back.

"How can you not be sure...?"

She just shrugged as we continued through the grounds. Eventually, we had passed all the buildings and were in the open fields. Quinn reached into her bag and pulled out a flashlight.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Katelyn told me to bring one."

And then it began to dawn on me. I knew _exactly_ where we were going. I immediately tensed up and released my grip on Quinn's hand. There was a giant knot forming in my stomach.

"Paige, what's wrong?"

I tried to dissuade Quinn from going any further. "Don't you think this is dangerous? And what if we get caught?"

"We'll be fine. And we won't be alone." She continued to make her way towards the woods, grabbed my hand and pulling me along.

"I...I just don't have a good feeling about this."

"Oh, don't get cold feet on me now, you nerd," Quinn tried to joke with me.

Quinn continued to search with her flashlight and stopped when she came upon a tree with a bright pink ribbon.

"This is it!" She exclaimed. "It's about ten minutes down this trail."

"Yeah, and it's about ten minutes to turn around and get back to our room." I knew I must have sounded a bit irrational, but I didn't want to tell Quinn about my earlier encounter in the woods.

"Paige, do you really want to go back?" Quinn asked, with concern.

I didn't want to ruin the evening though. Our night out, _together. _Maybe I _was_ being irrational. What were the chances that Bianca would be there anyway? Maybe it was just a bunch of repressed chorus nerds having a good time.

"No," I shyly replied, "I want to stay here we you."

"I wouldn't go without you, silly." She raised her eyebrow. "Are you going to be okay? We can _both_ head back if you're that uncomfortable."

I nodded. "I'll be okay."

Quinn smiled and kissed my forehead. "Good. 'Cause you look too hot to stay home all night."

* * *

It looked so much different at night and the trail seemed to meander through the sea of trees without end. Finally, we heard voices and music in the distance and we knew we must be close.

"See. That wasn't so bad!" Quinn tried to reassure me.

We picked up our pace as we neared the party site and the path began to glow with the yellows and oranges from the lanterns and bonfire. Finally, we reached the clearing near the stream that I stumbled upon not so long ago.

I scanned the crowd frantically, searching for any threatening faces. There were probably 20 or so people there, mostly girls, but a few boys as well...but no sign of Bianca. I felt a wave a relief wash over me.

"Quinn!" I heard a voice yell in the distance. A figure ran towards us from behind the fire and I recognized it to be Katelyn.

"How are you, girl?" Katelyn wrapped her arms around Quinn and let out a girlish squeal.

"I wasn't sure you'd come!" she continued. After greeting Quinn, Katelyn turned to me and coldly said, "Hi, Paige."

"Hi," was all I could muster, with an even more venomous tone. I knew Quinn and her had become good friends, but there was still something about her that didn't sit well with me.

As we began to mingle with the crowd, well, as Quinn did, I did recognize two faces.

"Hey, I know you. You're the newb from the dance."

I know my glances I threw over in their direction certainly weren't an invitation, but I knew they probably weren't even looking in my direction anyway. I knew they came over here for Quinn.

Quinn was polite as always. "Oh, yes! I knew you two looked familiar. Forgive me, but I forget -"

"Matt," the dark haired boy said, as he extended his hand, "and that's Rob."

Rob was definitely the...homelier...of the two.

Matt continued, "Quinn, if I do remember correctly?

Quinn nodded with a grin on her face. I could tell she appreciated being noticed and remembered. I wasn't so appreciative.

"And this is..." he said, gesturing towards me.

"That's my roommate, Paige."

"Ah, yes. Paige. Good to see you again, I didn't even recognize you," he said as he went to shake my hand. I just left my arms folded.

"Likewise."

I felt Quinn nudge me with her elbow and whisper in my ear, "Behave."

"Well," Matt continued, "I'm glad you came out tonight." He looked towards me and sensed my irritation. "Perhaps we'll talk later?"

"Sure!" Quinn eagerly replied.

As the boys turned to walk away, I mumbled under my breath, just loud enough for them to hear, "Have fun preying on drunk Catholic school girls, creepers."

Matt turned around and shot me a look, but continued, unfazed, and began to chat with the next group of girls.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Quinn turned to me and said, in an exasperated whisper, "Paige! What are you doing? This isn't like you."

"Sorry." I felt bad. I was ruining the night for Quinn. "I..I just don't do very well with all...this," I said, gesturing to the crowd around us, "and maybe I get a little protective."

"Protective?"

"Yeah, I don't like seeing other boys hitting on you."

Quinn let out a big laugh. "You're cute. In an awkward kind of way." She paused. "I sort of like it when your jealous."

I felt my face redden as I looked towards the ground.

Her expression turned more serious. "You know I don't have eyes for anyone else? Right?"

I nodded. Maybe I just needed to hear those words.

I tried to stay well behaved the rest of the evening, engaging in small talk with people and avoiding the cans of cheap beer. But I never left Quinn's side. As overwhelming as things got, I felt safe next to her.

We were chatting with a few other girls around the bonfire when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, Quinn," Katelyn said, coming up next to her, "I don't know if I've introduced you two before, but this is my roommate, Bianca."


	13. Chapter 13

My heart stopped. I felt sick to my stomach.

"Hey, I don't think we've met," Quinn sweetly said, "nice to meet you!"

It was times like this that I wished invisibility cloaks really did exist. Unfortunately, my only defense was to keep looking forward and to avoid eye contact. Maybe if I ran _right now_ I could make a break for it.

"Paige, have you met Katelyn's roomma-"

_Shit._

"Paige McCullers? Fancy meeting you here," Bianca growled.

I slowly turned my head towards my nemesis and nodded once. "Bianca."

"Oh. So you guys know each other?" Quinn innocently inquired.

I turned to Quinn and shot her a look. "Yeah. Field hockey."

"Oh, that's nice!" Quinn was still oblivious.

I continued to glare at Quinn, hoping she would get the hint. "Yes. Quite." My tone was dry and short.

Then it began to slowly dawn on Quinn. She remembered about the fight I had earlier in the week. And as she began to process everything, as she saw Bianca glaring at me, a wave of panic came over her face.

"Well, it was nice meeting you," Quinn said hesitantly, turning to Bianca. Then she turned back towards me. "C'mon, Paige, let's go get a drink."

She grabbed my wrist and dragged me off the hollowed log we had been sitting on and swept me away from the evil glances of Bianca.

Once we were far enough away from her, mixed in with the crowd of people, Quinn leaned in and whispered, "What was all that about?"

I diverted my attention away from her, to the ground, to a tree, to anywhere that wasn't near Quinn's face. "I don't really want to talk about it. Not here."

But she continued to press. "Is she the one who you got into a fight with?" Her tone got louder, more angry. "Has she been bulling you?" She halted and turned her attention to healing wounds on my arm. "Is she the one who did that to you?"

"Quinn!" I nearly yelled. I had never raised my voice like that to her before. "Just...stop. Please," I pleaded.

Now Quinn was the one diverting her eyes. She quieted for a moment when she realized how upset I was becoming.

"Is that..." she paused, speaking with a hushed voice, "Is that why you were so worried about coming here tonight?

Even though I felt embarrassed, I nodded.

"I'm so sorry, Paige. If I had known-"

"It's my fault," I interjected. "I should have told you. I just..." I looked away again, "I felt kind of silly. And embarrassed."

Quinn's eyes were wide and glossy and I could tell she felt guilty. She ran her hand up my arm. "Let's get outta here."

"But-"

"No buts. There's no reason for us to stay here if they're going to be total bitches."

Before I could even get in another word, Quinn was already taking off in the other direction.

"Quinn," Katelyn stopped her, "heading out so soon?"

Quinn took a moment to compose herself. "Yeah. I'm not feeling so great." She began to hurry off again, before she stopped one last time. She turned and said, "See you on Monday." Except, it was with the most biting and scathing tone I had ever heard roll off her lips. I was still frozen in place, watching the events unfold. Katelyn turned towards me with a loathsome expression. I took that as my cue to follow Quinn. Before I caught up with Quinn in her frantic state, I felt a hand latch on to my arm. I was dragged aside as I felt the air rush out of my lungs as panic burned though me.

"I though I told you never to show your face here again, _dyke_." Bianca barked.

"I...I-"

"Did I say you could speak? I'm not done. You had better not be pulling anymore of those stunts at practice anymore. If _anything_ happens again and I get suspended, or worse, kicked off the team, you will regret the day you were born."

Her eyes burned right through me as her grip on my arm tightened.

"Oh, and I suggest if you don't want any more problems, you better step off my girl Jenny's spot on the team. Got it? You wouldn't want everyone to find out that-"

"Bitch, let her go."

The sound of Quinn's voice coursed through my body and brought some life into me.

"What the hell?" Bianca snapped back.

"I said, _let her go_." Quinn was absolutely fierce. I had never seen this side of her before. I could only imagine what she must have been like back in Ohio. It was kind of hot.

"Or you'll do what?"

"I'll slap you so hard you won't even know what day it is."

I tried to stifle my laughter.

"Please, there's only one bitch in charge here and that's-"

And there it was. I could swear the sound of Quinn's hand meeting Bianca's cheek echoed through the woods and silenced the crowd of drunken high schoolers.

"And that's me," Quinn said defiantly, with a smug smile on her face.

I heard one guy in the distance cheer as a few others slowly clapped. And the expression on Bianca's face was absolutely priceless.

I was finally released from her claws as Quinn grabbed my other arm and we dashed away from the scene at hand. We ran through the woods, stopping only once to catch our breath and have a good laugh. Eventually we reemerged onto the school grounds. It was eerily silent at this time of night, only the rustling of leaves and scattered sounds of wildlife filled the chilled autumn air. Quinn turned off her flashlight as the nearly full moon provided ample lighting. I stared at Quinn, her hair shining in the dim light, her perfect features gently highlighted by the moon. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

"I'm so sorry about tonight," Quinn dejectedly whispered.

"Don't be. I should be thanking you." I took her hands in mine as we stared at each other in silence.

Quinn sighed. "If it weren't for me, none of this would have happened. I'm-"

"Quinn!"

"I'm sor-"

I couldn't stand to hear her apologize one more time. I freed my hands and brought them up to her cheeks as she began to speak. Before she could finish, my lips had found their way to hers.

* * *

**a/n: **_i know this chapter ended up being on the shorter side, but i wanted to get it up tonight. _

_be warned, things are about to get a little crazy in here the next few chapters. it'll all be worth it though, trust me. i'm still a little nervous about it, so any feedback you guys have, positive or negative, i'll greatly appreciate. Also, I love HBIC Quinn._


	14. Chapter 14

_Quinn's lips seared my skin as she left a trail of soft kisses along my neck. She lingered just above my ear, her breath deepening as her fingers fumbled with the hem of my shirt. _

_"May I?" she whispered into my ear, her voice soft and throaty._

_I closed my eyes and let out a ragged breath. I could barely breathe, no less speak, so I gave a gentle nod._

_I leaned towards the girl on top of me, straddling me, raising my arms above my head so she could easily remove the piece of clothing that was separating us. The rush of cold air on my skin sent chills down my spine and my nipples immediately hardened. I took a deep breath as I laid back down on the bed, Quinn smirking at my response. She crossed her arms and slowly began to remove the tank top she was wearing. As she began to reveal more of her body, I couldn't peel my eyes off of her perfect figure. My heart was pounding and without even thinking, I reached out and rested my hands just above her hips, caressing her soft skin. She threw her garment to the floor and in one swift motion took my hands and held them down, over my head, as she guided herself back down to my neck._

_Quinn continued where she left off, this time placing kisses just below my ear and working her way down my neck, occasionally nibbling or sucking on my skin, making me squirm with pleasure. I could feel her bare body, her breasts pressing against mine and I was becoming overwhelmed with different and new sensations. My entire body began to heat up and I felt the warmth grow between my legs. Quinn continued kissing down to my collarbone as she ran her hands up and down my sides, my entire body tingling. With one final pass up my side, her right hand settled on my breast, gently massaging it as her lips settled on the other. She began to draw circles around my erect nipple with her tongue before giving it a gentle flick. She began rolling the other nipple between her fingers as she looked up at me with dark, sultry eyes. I closed my eyes again, trying to gasp for air with shallow breaths, but failed miserably when I felt Quinn's teeth._

_"Quinn..." I moaned as my hips bucked beneath her._

_"Paige..."_

"Paige!"

Quinn's voice jolted me out of my slumber. I hated waking up on Sunday mornings. Particularly because it usually meant I had to rip myself from bed and from the warmth of one Quinn Fabray to drag myself to church. This Sunday was slightly more painful than usual.

"Do we _really_ have to go?"

Showing my face in public after last night's events was probably the last thing I wanted to do.

"Paige. You missed last week's mass, too. I can't make up another lie for you," Quinn replied with a exasperated sigh.

"Well, you won't have to lie for me if _you_ don't go," I quipped, returning her sigh with a smile. "Then we won't ever have to leave this bed."

Quinn rolled her eyes as she rolled out from my arms and out of the bed. I immediately missed the presence of the girl next to me, the warmth draining from my body. I propped myself up with my right elbow and pouted when Quinn turned back to me.

"Stop it," she mumbled, making her way over to her dresser.

A self-satisfied grin grew on my face. As she rummaged through her drawers, I stared at her, thinking again about the night before. How she stood up for me, protected me. How _amazing_ it was when she put Bianca in her place. About how incredibly strong and assertive she could be, something that seemed so different from the Quinn that I've seen so far. So different from the way she held me...the way she kissed me. And it sort of turned me on.

_Oh God._

"You going to sit there and stare at me all morning with that stupid grin or are you going to get ready?!"

"Mmmm, sit and stare," I coyly remarked.

Quinn shook her head and playfully threw a pair of shorts at me from her dresser drawer.

* * *

Quinn and I strolled into mass a few minutes late, due to my lack of motivation and the hope to avoid any confrontations, and slipped into an empty pew in the back of the church.

I never really paid attention much in during Mass. Instead, I usually tried catch a few discrete glimpses of Quinn during the sermon then pretended to sing along with the hymns. Actually, I was mostly distracted by Quinn's singing, which was, well...heavenly. Her sweet alto made me swoon and made going to church slightly more bearable. But today, I was feeling slightly more ambitious.

My eyes fixated on Quinn's hand resting on the wooden pew next to me. I casually let my hand fall dangerously close to hers. As the minutes went by, my hand inched closer to hers until our pinkies were touching. I smiled, but it elicited no reaction from Quinn. I pursed my lips and plotted my next move. I locked my pinky with hers as it brought a small smile to the corner of her lips as she continued to listen closely to the priest. I scooted my body closer to hers, legs nearly touching, our hands still between us. I unlocked our pinkies and slid my fingers in between hers, rubbing my thumb up and down the back of her hand. She gave a light squeeze back, but I was still desperate for more of her attention. I finally moved in closer, until our legs were touching, our clasped hands resting on her thigh. I took my leg and wrapped it around hers, making sure no one was privy to my actions. Once we were intertwined at the ankles, I slowly ran my leg up the back of hers until she finally turned to me with a cocked eyebrow, biting her bottom lip. She mouthed something to me along the lines of _'jerk'_ before she removed her hand from mine and glided down the pew, a smile still on her face.

_Mission accomplished._

* * *

As I tried to finish up my homework, I heard keys jingle outside the door followed by the click of the lock. I peered over my laptop screen and furrowed my brow. "How was rehearsal?"

"About as incredibly awkward as I anticipated..." Quinn said, throwing her keys onto her desk and falling into her bed.

"And?"

"Not as bad as I thought it would be."

I was surprised by Quinn's follow-up.

She sat up in her bed and continued, "Well, Katelyn was obviously ignoring me the entire time. I guess who can blame her."

I nodded.

"But then, something strange happened. After rehearsal, after Katelyn left without saying a word, a few of the girls approached me. Girls I had never really spoken to much before. And they were all like 'Oh my goodness' and everything, and I was just surprised that everyone knew already. Apparently, Bianca was total bitch to everyone."

"You don't say," I dryly remarked.

"Yeah, well..." Quinn shrugged. "So, now, I'm some sort of 'hero', the new head bitch around here."

I could see that she was glowing.

"People know who I am now. I feel like...I'm someone again."

My heart sank. I was starting to see the other side of Quinn more clearly now. She kept speaking, but the thoughts running through my head drowned her out. It's like the attention she was getting set off a switch in her head. Like she was only whole when she had status, when she had power. I felt like I was sharing a room with a totally different person.

"...I think Katelyn is just jealous of me now."

I focused back in just as Quinn was finishing her monologue. She, suddenly, sounded like a petty mean girl. I could feel her walls going back up again. She had a name to hide behind now. She could start again from where she left off. Pick up the broken pieces she left behind in Ohio and rebuild herself just the way she wanted.

She didn't need my attention anymore.

I closed my laptop and placed it beside me. I slid off my bed and walked across the room. Without saying a word, I took Quinn's head in my hands and kissed her. The kiss felt cold and emotionless, Quinn motionless. I pulled away and stared at her, looking for an answer. But she stared intently at the ground, avoiding my inquisitive glare.

Something did change inside her.

"I should get to bed."

* * *

**a/n: **_my apologies for the delayed post! i _will_ have another post up on friday or saturday. also, be prepared to be kicked in the feels._


	15. Chapter 15

**WARNING: ****_ this chapter contains depiction of self-harm and could be potentially triggering. proceed with caution._**

* * *

I lingered by the cafeteria door for a few moments, staring at what used to be my lunch table. I saw Quinn, and her friends, talking and giggling, not even missing my absence. Even Katelyn half-heartedly joined in. I watched Quinn, wondering what she was thinking. What she was doing. Well, I could see what she was doing - soaking up all the attention that was being lavished upon her. But her laugh was forced and her smile lacked its usual warmth. I guess I really wondered _why_? Why was she acting like this so suddenly? What broke?

I proceeded to take a seat at an empty table near the center of the cafeteria, my back towards Quinn and the other girls. Even though I couldn't see them, I could still hear them. Their voices were like nails on a chalkboard, grating on my nerves. I pulled out my history book and attempted to work on an assignment, but instead, ended up just staring vacantly at the open pages. Occasionally I'd peer up at the clock, trying to will time to move faster.

After what seemed like hours, the bell finally rang, releasing me from the torture. Unfortunately, I would still have to see Quinn later in the day.

As I took my seat in PreCalc, I kept my eyes glued to the floor.

"Hey." My breath hitched as the familiar tone rang through my ears. I looked up and saw Quinn standing there giving me a small wave and a half smile. I nodded and returned with an equally timid wave. She turned and took her seat as the late bell rang.

The entire period I couldn't focus, the teacher's words went in one ear and out the other, the writing on the board all blurred together. My chest tightened as my mind wandered._ What if she thought this was all a mistake?_ _What if she hated me?_ I looked at her as she wrote in her notebook, unaware of my stolen glances.

_What if _I'm_ a mistake?_

* * *

Each day felt longer as I felt myself withdrawing from everyone around me. Despite Quinn's actions, Bianca's threats and words still burned inside me. The glares and whispers from everyone around me made me nauseous. And the ever growing distance between Quinn and I made my heart sink.

To be fair, it wasn't all Quinn's fault. I made myself as unavailable as possible, avoiding the room and dining hall whenever I knew Quinn would be there. I guess part of me didn't want to know what was going on in her head. The other part of me didn't want to even see her. It hurt too much.

After what Alison had done to me, in an already fragile state, I had become an expert at holding everything in. Holding everything close. Outwardly, carrying on as if nothing was wrong. But on the inside, I was destroyed. Sometimes, I wondered how I ever made it through the day. Then I remembered that, no matter what, I couldn't let Alison win. So, I carried on. I held on for dear life by any means possible. But then Emily Fields came into my life again. She tore me apart by the seams. Everything I tried to hide was slowly seeping out those cracks. Then, after the outbursts I had with Emily last year, after losing her, I tried desperately to regain control of myself. I searched for the strength to come to terms with who I was. And with that, I found the strength to carry on with life without the hurt. I felt human again.

That is, until my father rejected me. I could feel those seams starting to tear again. Then, Quinn kissed me. Told me I was beautiful. Made me feel like I had never felt before. Everything changed. I felt whole again. She had filled in those cracks that had started to form. But, slowly, with each hurtful word, each threat, each glare, each moment I was away from Quinn, I felt myself crumbling. Coming undone.

Friday, I finally broke.

Immediately as I entered the academic building, I knew something was amiss. I was used to the glares, but this morning, all eyes were locked on me. As I proceeded down the halls, people froze and stared, they whispered and gasped. I continued to my locker, trying to seem unfazed. That is, until I rounded the corner.

I froze, my jaw dropped as did the books that I was holding in my arms. The thud of the textbooks echoed through the silent hallway. There it was, written across my locker in black paint, for all the world to see. DYKE.

I think I must have stopped breathing entirely as I felt warm, salty tears start to stream down my cheeks. I finally took a gulp of air and ran to the nearest exit, leaving my books as they were, strewn across the floor. As I barreled through the metal door, the cold air stung against my soaked face, quickly drying the wetness on my cheeks. I heaved and sobbed as I sprinted as fast as I could back to my room. I stumbled up the stairs, nearly falling face first into the landing. When I reached my door, I fumbled for my keys with my scraped hands and slammed the door behind me. I threw my keys across the room as I fell to my knees and continued to sob.

My throat felt raw and my eyes burned. I felt like I had cried every last drop that I could before I finally got back on my feet. I took a few deep breaths and calmly slipped my bag off my shoulder. I stood there for a moment, slowly breathing, trying to collect myself.

"Fuck," I mumbled under my breath.

I repeated it, quietly at first, pacing frantically. Then, I clenched my fists and screamed it as I kicked a wastebasket, trash scattering around the room.

I positioned myself in front of my full length mirror, leaning forward and resting my hands on the wall on either side of the mirror. I hung my head down, tears finding their way to my eyes once again. I picked my head up to glance at myself in the mirror, watching my chest rise and fall with each painful breath.

It's been a long time since I've been here, looking upon myself with such loathing. Such doubt. Such pain.

I _was_ a mistake.

I slowly dropped my arms and shifted my weight back, stepping back from the mirror to get a better look at myself. My eyes frantically examined my body, searching for something. I jerked my head to the piece of furniture next to the mirror. I stepped, slowly, over to the dresser and cautiously slid open the top drawer. I pulled out a wooden jewelry box and opened it. I sifted through necklaces until I found a small opening on the bottom. I placed my finger in it and lifted the false bottom revealing a secret compartment. It was exactly as I had left it. I pulled out one of the pieces of metal and held it between two of my fingers and watched the light reflect off it.

I stepped in front on the mirror again, my left hand lifting the bottom of my uniform button down and tank top revealing creamy white skin. I ran my right hand pinky and ring finger along the skin just below my belly button, feeling its smoothness, as I clenched the razor between my other fingers. As my fingers left the skin, I took a sharp breath in as the cold metal blade dragged across the skin. The sensation was jarring, yet familiar and comforting. I closed my eyes and took another breath as I went across the skin again. My breathing slowed as my arms went limp, the razor falling to the ground. I let the tingling sensations coarse through my body, my eyes still closed, focusing on the ironically calming effect the pain had. I took one last deep breath before I opened my eyes and peered down at the wounds. The blood was starting to bubble to the surface. I took my hand and covered the cuts. I turned my back to the mirror and leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down to the ground, still holding my abdomen. Guilt was starting to seep into my mind, but the calming sensations seemed to keep it at bay for the moment, until the sudden pounding at the door knocked me out of my trance.

* * *

**a/n: **_i know this was a very Paige centric chapter, an angsty one at that, but I really wanted to get deeper inside her headspace. see a little more about her past and how it affects her now._

_and you didn't think Quinn and Paige would have it _that _easy, did you? the angst will continue for a bit, but trust me, you will reap the rewards._

_also, re: comments, we have not seen the last of Emily, and like I promised forever ago, McBray will be heading to Lima..._


	16. Chapter 16

Panic struck as I pulled my hand away from my stomach. My hand was becoming stained with red as the pounding on the door continued. I froze, sitting in silence, hoping whoever it was would eventually leave. I didn't think it could be Quinn since she could have just entered on her own.

"Paige?" The voice echoed through the room. The voice was familiar, but I didn't immediately recognize it, so I remained silent.

The knocking continued, now more incessant. Louder. My heart was racing even faster than the pounding on the door.

"Paige!" The calls became much more pleading and desperate. Someone must have seen me come up here. They must know I'm here. Still, I sat in silence, hoping I could just disappear.

Finally, there was a moment of silence. A paper slid under the door, making a soft scratching noise as it glided over the tile floor. When I heard footsteps retreat down the hallway, I cautiously rose to my feet and slowly walked towards the door, retrieving the paper from the ground with my free hand.

_Please report to Ms. Bryant's office at your earliest convenience._

"So, never," I mumbled to myself. I let the paper flutter back to the ground and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to keep the tears in the corners of my eyes from falling.

"What have I done?" I said, peering down at my bloody hand. I had promised myself I would never resort to this again. And I did indeed make good on that promise for the last few months. But now, now I felt like everything was crumbling around me again. That I was found out again, and in the most horrific way.

It's uncanny how we fall back into our old ways when we feel ourselves spinning out of control. There's comfort in the familiar.

Quinn's first aid kit caught my attention and I grabbed it off a shelf, finally attending to my self-inflicted wounds. I hissed as the alcohol wipe swept across the cuts, both flinching at the sudden pain and relishing the sensation rippling through my body. Once I cleaned and bandaged myself up, I replaced Quinn's first aid kit and changed out of my uniform. I had no intentions of returning to classes today, so sweatpants and a tank top were more than suitable attire. As I slipped the tank top over my head, I caught a glimpse something shining in the corner.

_Crap._

I had completely forgotten about the razor I had dropped. I don't know how I would have explained that had Quinn stumbled across it. I snatched it up from the floor and dusted it off, returning it to its home in the jewelry box. I slowly closed the lid and slid the box back into my dresser drawer, letting out a loud sigh.

I crawled into my bed and vacantly stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in my thoughts. But soon, the fear and the guilt faded away as I focused on the dull pain circulating through my skin, its calming effect finally lulling me to sleep.

* * *

There was a gentle knock on the door that woke me from my slumber, followed the sound of the lock unlatching.

"Paige?"

Quinn's voice sent a chill down my spine.

"Paige?" she called out again, entering with trepidation.

"Yeah," I replied coldly and still groggy. "What are you doing here?"

"Thank God you're here! I've been worried about you all day!"

With the way she's been treating me this week, I highly doubted that.

"Shouldn't you be in class or something?" I asked with a biting tone.

"I just thought I'd check on you during lunch." I could hear the hurt in her voice. "I just wanted to see how you were holding up."

"Thanks. I'm just fine."

Quinn paused for a moment. "You have a strange definition of 'fine'," she tried to joke. Her voice suddenly got serious again, "Do you want to talk?"

"Does it look like I want to talk?"

"Paige, I'm just trying to help -"

"Maybe I don't _want _help! Maybe I don't want _your_ help!" I couldn't believe the anger that was coming from my mouth. But I couldn't stop. I really had lost control. "Don't you have your friends waiting for you downstairs?"

"What has gotten into you?" Quinn fought back.

"What do you _think_ has gotten into me. The better question is, what has gotten into _you_?" I snapped.

A sudden silence broke through the yelling in the room.

"You know what?" Quinn dodged the pressing question, "I'm not going to stand here and throw you a pity party."

"That's just fine!"

"Fine!"

She began to march out of the room, stopping to pick up the piece of paper on the floor. "You have a message," Quinn stated, almost in a whisper.

"I know."

Quinn let out an exasperated scream and crumpled the paper in her hand, tossing it on the floor next to my bed. I heard the door swing open and quickly slam shut. The sound of metal door slamming against the doorframe seemed to linger in my ears forever.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep again, only to be woken up by the chatter outside my window and down the hall. Classes must have just let out. A quick check of my alarm clock confirmed my suspicions.

I rolled over in the bed and sat up for the first time all day. I felt dizzy and completely out of it. My eyes fixated the crumpled piece of paper on the floor and I gently nudged it with my foot. I slipped out of bed and picked it up, smoothing it out and rereading it.

_I guess this isn't going to go away on its own._

I had no intentions of attending field hockey practice today, even if that meant not playing in tomorrow's game. Hell, I didn't even know if I would show my face there tomorrow either. With the halls empty and my enemies occupied on the field, this was probably my best opportunity to make my way down to the Vice Principal's office.

I threw on a hoodie and a pair of sunglasses and slipped the hood over my head as I left the room. I know I must have looked strange walking through the dormitory like that, but I felt like it was the only way that I could hide. I kept my head down as I hurried through the halls, avoiding any contact with anyone around me. Once I pushed through the building's doors, I jogged my way over to the academic building. When I stepped inside, I pulled my hood down and brought the glasses to the top of my head. I scanned the halls for familiar faces, but they were mostly empty.

Fortunately, the office wasn't very far from the main entrance of the building. I walked into the vacant waiting room and leaned over the secretary's desk, searching for any signs of life. I noticed the office in the far right corner still had a light on, the door slightly ajar. I found the little silver bell that resided on the desk and tapped the button, letting out a loud ring that echoed off the concrete walls of the empty room. I saw a head pop out from behind the door, fiddling with a computer bag.

"You scared me nearly half to death!" the woman laughed. "I was just packing up for the day, how can I help-"

She froze as her eyes met mine. I bowed my head down slightly to acknowledge her. "Ms. Bryant."

"Ms. McCullers. I wasn't expecting to see you in here today." She seemed to almost be at a loss for words. "P-Please, come in."

I entered Ms. Bryant's office where she had already returned to her chair behind a large faux wood desk and was sifting through a large filing cabinet. She peered up at me for a moment while her fingers still walked through the file tabs. "Please, have a seat."

I felt slightly sick to my stomach. It had been at least a couple of years since I had to have a meeting in the principal's office. But it felt just the same. The office had the same stale smell as the one in Rosewood. The same metal chair, covered with a ripped cushion that was a hideous "vintage" orange color. Small trinkets on the desk and inspirational posters on the wall.

_Success - It is not the position you stand, but the direction in which you look._

Yep. It was exactly the same.

"Now, Paige, I don't want you to think you're in trouble..."

_It always started this way._

"But," Ms. Bryant continued, "I do have a few questions to ask you regarding today's incident."

I nodded in silence.

"Unfortunately, our preliminary locker search came up with no clues as to who could be the perpetrator. We will begin to review our surveillance tapes on Monday to see who was in the building during off-hours Thursday evening into Friday morning. In the meantime, we could use your help."

She paused as she extracted a file from the cabinet.

"Is there anyone, anyone at all, that may have wanted to hurt you in this way?"

_Yes._

"No," I replied, avoiding any eye contact.

"Paige, I need you to be truthful with me. This is a safe place. There will be no repercussions for your honesty here."

_No one likes a rat._

"Well," I began to stutter, still avoiding eye contact, "I-I guess there's a f-few girls on the field hockey team that don't...don't really...care for me."

I heard the rustling of paper and my eyes immediately looked up to find Ms. Bryant leafing through my file.

"I see here," she paused, "that your coach gave you and one of your teammates a verbal warning for aggressive behavior on the field. Is that correct?"

"Yes, ma'am," I timidly replied.

"Let's see, Bianca? Does that ring a bell?"

"Yes."

"Do you think she might have done something like this?"

I shrugged. I hated the thought of ratting her out, but I was sort of stuck now.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Anyone else on the team?" Ms. Bryant continued with the line of questioning.

"I guess it could be anyone on the team." I was hoping the more vague the reply, the better.

"Anyone else, specifically?"

I sighed. "Maybe one of Bianca's friends. Jenny."

"Okay." Ms. Bryant started to jot notes down as I spoke. "What makes you think it could be either one of them?"

I had already divulged names. Gotten myself in this deep. There was no point in trying to keep secrets or telling lies. I've always been awful at lying.

"Well. They never seemed to like me from day one." My voice was starting to get as shaky as my hands had become. "I-I sort of took Jenny's spot on the team. And Bianca was out to get me after that altercation on the field."

Ms. Bryant nodded as she continued write.

"Then, one day," I sighed, "Bianca pulled me aside. She...she threatened to out me if I didn't back off her and Jenny. But, I wasn't doing anything wrong."

"So she was trying to intimidate you because they were feeling intimidated?" She said it so matter-of-factly that it sounded more like a statement than a question.

"I-I guess so."

"This certainly helps us out quite a bit." She paused and I felt my stomach drop when I saw the strange look in her eyes. "Before I let you go, I have one last request."

I nodded.

"The Dean and I spoke about this situation in detail this morning. In addition to punishing the culprit to the fullest extent, we also agreed it might be beneficial if we enrolled you in weekly counseling sessions. Based on your past history at your previous school and what we've seen here at St. Catherine's so far, it might behoove you to speak with someone about your anger management and coping skills. I know dealing with bullying can be very diffi-"

_I knew it. It was still exactly the same._

I shot up from my chair and shoved it into Ms. Bryant's desk, interrupting her lecture.

"I can't even," I mumbled to myself, just loud enough for Ms. Bryant to hear.

I stormed out of the office, replacing my sunglasses and hood one more time.

* * *

**a/n:** _I know some of you must be missing Quinn, but we'll start to see her more in the upcoming chapters. we've gotten into Paige's head quite a bit now, but as to why Quinn is acting the way she is is still a mystery... we'll figure that out soon, when Paige does._

_oh, and the vandal? trust me, not who you think it is._


	17. Chapter 17

I stood outside the academic building and felt completely lost. I was too scared to go back to the room, afraid to face Quinn after I had blown up at her, but equally as terrified to wander around campus fearing I'd be seen and laughed at. I felt like I had absolutely no where to go.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and immediately pulled it out, wondering who on earth could be texting me.

_hey nerd. I see you and your silly getup. meet me in the parking lot._

Quinn. I scanned all around me, but I wasn't able to see my stalker. I shrugged and cut through the flower beds and grass to make my way over to the lot. To be honest, I was surprised that Quinn even wanted to see me. As I neared the pavement from the sea of green, I saw a pair of arms flailing in the air in the far corner of the lot. It was Quinn, with what I assumed to be her car. I picked up my pace and found myself going into a steady jog through the rows of cars.

"Sorry, I don't ride in cars with strangers," I jested as I stopped in front of her, quickly catching my breath.

She smirked and gave me her usual raised eyebrow as we both silently entered the car. Neither of us said a word as she started the car and scanned the radio for an acceptable song. _Commercial. Static. Country. Commercial. Static. Elvis. Static. _Quinn slammed her palm against the radio button, silencing the car entirely. She returned her hand to the wheel, her head facing down. Her mood had changed completely.

Finally, letting out a sigh, Quinn turned to check behind her as she threw the car into reverse. As we made our way through the lot and finally off campus, I finally built up the courage to break the silence.

"So. Where are you taking me?"

"Some place where they won't find your body," she deadpanned.

I looked at her nervously as she lightly chuckled to herself.

"Sorry. Had to." She half-heartedly smiled at me. "I figured you needed to get out...get away for a bit. Someone told me about a cute little ice cream place a few towns over."

I nodded. "Yeah..."

Another bout of uncomfortable silence filled the car.

"Look, I'm sor-"

"It's okay," Quinn interrupted.

"Don't you want to talk abou-"

"Not really." Her replies were short and I could tell something was not right.

I tapped my fingers on the console as I turned away from Quinn to watch through the window at the trees as the car passed by. The leaves were starting to become even more colorful and in a week or two were sure to be at the peak colors. I loved this time of year so much. The days were still sort of warm, the nights were cool and smelled so fresh and crisp. The trees lit up like fire with reds and oranges and yellows and there was just something so beautiful and calming about the fall. The calm before the cold and windy winter, I suppose. I felt a small smile grow on my face as I became engrossed in the scenery, actually enjoying a moment away from school, away from the chaos.

I felt Quinn's hand squeeze mine and I turned towards her again.

"Let's have a good afternoon, okay?"

I nodded.

"We have the rest of our lives to talk about everything else."

"The rest of our lives?" I laughed. "That's mighty presumptuous."

She gave my hand a light squeeze and smiled. "You know what I mean."

I looked down at my clothes, sweatpants and an old hoodie, suddenly realizing I'd shortly be in public. "So...I hope this place isn't terribly fancy..."

* * *

"This is really cute!"

It was in a small building that looks like it could've even been a house in a past life. It was painted white with green trim and a big green sign. There was a giant ice cream cone statue outside and a chalkboard with daily specials. The inside was cozy, the counter and ice cream freezer ran in an L shape along the left wall and the back with 3 booths on the right side and a few tables and chairs scattered about. I immediately walked up to the glass, staring at the 42 flavors of homemade ice cream that awaited me.

"They have coconut!" I excitedly gasped as I pointed to the vat of coconut ice cream that stood before me, separated only by a thin layer of glass.

Quinn laughed out loud, "Well, I guess I know what you're getting!"

"You ready to order?" I asked.

"Yep. You first."

I felt a childish excitement come over me as I stepped up to the counter to order.

"Can I get a large sundae with...coconut ice cream, hot fudge," I paused as I reviewed my options, "caramel...and nuts."

"And what can I get for you, Miss," the cashier directed towards Quinn.

"Can I get your special? The Maple Bacon Sundae?"

"Eww," I mumbled under my breath.

"Small or large?"

"Large, please!" Quinn replied in an extremely excited tone. Once the cashier left to go prepare our order, Quinn jabbed me in the ribs and said, "Don't judge me."

He returned and handed us our respective sundaes. "$8.53, please."

I went to hand Quinn a $5 bill I had stuffed in my hoodie, who immediately shooed me away as she handed the cashier a $20.

"I got this," she whispered to me.

We took a seat at one of the booths and began to immediately sample our creations. As Quinn took her first bite, I looked on in horror. She nearly let out a moan as she swallowed the first bite.

"Oh my goodness. I think this is what heaven tastes like."

"Ew. What on earth is in that?"

Quinn took a moment to regain her composure. "Butter pecan ice cream with some special maple syrup and maple candied bacon. Like I said, it's heaven."

"Like I said, ew."

I took a bite of my ice cream, hoping to forget about the monstrosity that sat in front of Quinn.

"So, was it worth the hour drive?"

I nodded. "Oh yes." I took another bite before I continued. "So who told you about this place, anyway?"

"Oh. Ms. Norbury. She used to live around this area."

"You're such a teachers pet."

Quinn scowled at me. "You know, Ms. Norbury and I were talking about you this afternoon after class."

A sudden seriousness returned to my face.

"Why?"

"We...we were both really concerned about you. She saw everything this morning and she said she stopped by your room later in the morning, but there was no answer-"

"I thought we weren't going to do any talking this afternoon."

"I know. You brought it up."

"Not really, I just made fun of you and you changed the subject to me, as usual."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Let's just drop it, okay?"

Quinn looked a little hurt as she gave a slight nod.

I tried to lighten the mood again, "This ice cream isn't going to eat itself, you know!"

* * *

**a/n: **_Hey guys, I apologize that this chapter is a little short and with really long author's notes (not to mention a little bit "fluffy", but a much needed break, I think, from the drama currently unfolding), but I really wanted to post this today for Self-Injury Awareness Day (March 1). The timing for this story arc was actually completely unintentional, but since we're talking about it, I figured I'd get a chapter up today as a contribution to SIAD. The rest of this note isn't story related, so don't feel obligated to read it if you don't want to. :)_

_I'd also like to thank I. Marlene King and all the PLL writers in creating such an incredibly deep and nuanced character in Paige McCullers. Over the course of 3 seasons, not only have we been able to see her come to terms with her sexuality in a raw and real way, we've also been able to see how she's grown into a confident young woman who was once tormented and bullied, who was once insecure and self-loathing._

_While Paige has not been shown to self-harm on the show, per se, it's been implied more than once. The first instance of these tendencies came all the way back in season 1, during that rainy midnight bike ride. We see her impulsively show up at Emily's door during a thunderstorm to apologize to her. Then Paige tells Emily that, "you have every reason to hate me." To which Emily tells her that she does not hate her. Paige replies, "I would. I do." It was in that moment that we really saw how broken and hurt Paige was. Then, the next day, we find out that Paige was injured in a "bike accident". I don't think it'd be too farfetched to conclude that Paige intentionally hurt herself while riding home, in the very least to take herself out of the running for anchor and to try to make further amends with Emily. She also comments about "how easy things would be if I wiped out". Perhaps these actions point more towards suicidal tendencies, but what we see later on, in season 3, really gives us a better look into Paige's head. We finally begin to learn about Paige's past with Alison. We learn about the nickname "Pigskin" Alison gave to her because of the marks on her thighs. But it was that scene on the porch where Paige confesses about her past with Alison that really got us._

_"She was relentless. I had nobody to turn to. I was completely alone. Finally, it didn't matter what Alison could do to me, because, I was willing to do much worse to myself. And then I thought, if I disappeared forever, she would win. And I wouldn't let her win. I couldn't."_

_It just got real._

_And I cried. Because I could feel for her. Because I saw myself on the TV screen for once. Because for once, _so many teens struggling with these issues _(sexuality, bullying, self-harm, etc.) saw that _ ' _. _

_So thank you PLL for bringing us Paige McCullers. Thank you for addressing these issues with care and not with a one-shot "very special" episode or with disrespect. Thank you for letting us see Paige grow. Letting us see "it gets better"._

* * *

_And lastly, let me wrap this up saying, anyone out there who is struggling with self-harm, know that you're not alone. Know that you DO have people to turn to. Even if you feel that you can't turn to a professional, a friend, a family member, or whomever you trust, know that there are countless people out there on the interwebs that would talk to you and help you, no questions asked. There's websites, message boards, tumblr, and whatever else you could possibly think of._

_If you need advice on where to go, websites, resources, etc., or just ever want to talk, please don't be afraid to message me. Ever._

_Remember this: Self-harm is not a disease. Self-harm can't be "cured". Self-harm is a symptom. Self-harm is a small part of some larger issue, part of some bigger picture. One can not try to understand it without context. And it is impossible to stop hurting yourself without trying to address the bigger problems. It is only once we overcome our bullies, or learn to love ourselves, or learn to cope with our anxieties, or whatever it is that is plaguing us, that we can even think about trying to stop. We self-harm until we no longer _**need it **_to make it through to the next day. Instead of telling ourselves "I will stop hurting myself today", we need to tell ourselves "I will start loving myself today."_

_The rest will come later._


	18. Chapter 18

**a/n: **_this chapter is a little different and quirky. it's mostly a bunch of little vignette-like snapshots. next chapter will be back to 'normal'...with a big Paige/Quinn scene..._

* * *

"Paige, you can't stay in bed the _entire_ weekend," was the first thing Quinn uttered as she returned from Mass.

"Watch me."

After Quinn and I returned from our little adventure Friday, I pretty much locked myself in the room. I slept, read, studied, watched movies on my computer, and anything else that didn't involve getting out of this bed. Quinn was in and out of the room most of the day, grabbing lunch with people, heading to the mall, going out Saturday night. At least she was kind enough to grab me some food from the cafeteria Saturday afternoon. I appreciated the gesture, but I was still genuinely baffled by how hot and cold she was acting. I never knew which Quinn I would be talking to.

She let out a huff. "You can't stay hidden in here forever. You are going to school tomorrow, _right_?"

"Yes," I quietly replied. "But, until then, I just feel like hiding. Okay?"

"Fine. I'm heading to the library for a bit, then grabbing dinner with the girls and heading to rehearsal. If you need anything, text me."

"Have fun," I mumbled as I fiddled with my laptop.

My remark was met with silence. Not even the scuffle of feet or the creak of the door. I looked up and turned to find Quinn still standing in the same spot, her eyes locked on me, searching.

"Quinn?"

She blinked quickly and looked away. "S-sorry. I was just-," she paused, returning her gaze to me, "I should get going."

As she slung her bag over her shoulder and made her way to the door I slid the computer off my lap and hopped out of bed. I reached out and grabbed her arm from behind.

"Quinn," I whispered.

She froze, not turning to face me.

"What's wrong?" I pressed. What's gotten into you lately?"

"Nothing." Her response was barely audible and accompanied by a soft sniffle. "I'm fine."

I laughed a humorless laugh to myself. "You have a strange definition of 'fine'."

Quinn remained mute.

"Look at me." Quinn sniffled again, but refused to turn to me.

"_Look at me,_" I pleaded.

Quinn acquiesced and faced me as I dropped my hand from her arm. I felt a lump form in my throat and a twinge of guilt as I looked into her reddened and puffy eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek. We stared at each other, speechless, and the pain in her eyes burned right through me.

"Please," Quinn whimpered, "I need to go."

As she turned and began to make her exit, she paused again. Quinn looked back at me, her eyes vacant and lost. She took a few steps towards me and leaned in, tenderly placing a kiss on my forehead. She pulled back, lingering close to me, eyes closed and her breath mixing with mine. Quinn took a gulp of air and audibly swallowed before she said, in a breathy whisper, "You're not alone."

I don't remember Quinn leaving the room, or when I started crying...or why I was even crying. I felt like I was frozen in time while everything else was moving around me. The soft kiss, the breath we shared, the weight of those words; in that moment I felt something. I could feel Quinn's pain as if it were my own. It _was_ my own. My chest ached as a few tears stained my cheeks.

And just like that, she was gone again. Quinn was a master of avoidance, a master of disguise; but her cracks were beginning to show.

* * *

"You're up early today," Quinn greeted.

"Yeah, I thought I'd get to school early today. Avoid the paparazzi," I joked. It was the first we had talked since Sunday afternoon. Quinn returned late from rehearsal and I made sure to be asleep by the time she arrived.

"Sounds like a good plan to me."

I nodded as I placed my books into my messenger bag. "Have a good day, Quinn."

A little grin grew on her face. "You, too."

I dipped my head and smiled as I wrapped my bag around my body. As I reached for the door knob Quinn spoke again.

"Paige..."

"Mmm?"

She took a moment before speaking again, a growing intensity in her eyes.

"Stay strong."

There was a hitch in my breath as the words rolled off Quinn's lips. "I...I will."

"Promise?"

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "I promise."

* * *

I had planned to make my trek across campus after the breakfast rush and before morning service had let out. I avoided the dining hall and nibbled on a granola bar I had taken from the room as I strolled into the academic building. The halls were still vacant as classes didn't start for another half hour. I turned the bend to the hall where my locker resided fearing what I would see. To my surprise, the row of lockers had returned to some semblance of normalcy. My locker still stuck out from the rest with its fresh coat of paint concealing the vandal's work. I stood in front of the metal door, still reeking of paint, and slowly entered my combination. I swung the door open and saw that the books I had tossed to the ground had been replaced in my locker. I let out a deep sigh as I exchanged the books in my bag for the books I needed from my locker. I stared vacantly into the locker, lost in thought.

"Please, give me the strength to make it through today. _Please_," I mumbled to myself.

I slammed the door shut and scanned the hall again before I made my way to homeroom to sit and wait for the day to begin.

* * *

"How can I help you?" the older woman asked, peering over her glasses as she continued to type on her computer.

"I'm...I'm here to see Ms. Bryant."

"You'll have to wait, she's with someone at the moment. Have a seat." Her tone was hurried and short as she gestured to the chairs that lined one wall of the office. I shook my head and quietly took a seat. It wasn't exactly the way I wanted to spend my study hall period, but I felt it was something I needed to do. I stared at the clock on the wall, the second hand slowly gliding around the face as I could feel my chest tightening with each passing minute. It was only about 5 minutes until I heard a door creak open. Actually, 4 minutes and 47 seconds, but it seemed like an hour. I peered up and saw another student leaving Ms. Bryant's office. She hurried out of the office as fast as she could, with her head down, making no eye contact.

"Ms. Bryant will see you now," the disembodied voice from behind the computer alerted me.

I slowly stood up from the chair and dragged myself into her office.

"Ms. McCullers," Ms. Bryant said with a surprised tone.

"I'm sorry I ran out of here the other day," I timidly responded.

"Please, have a seat," she said with a much more welcoming voice than the secretary. I felt bad for the way I had acted on Friday. I was still understandably upset. But Ms. Bryant seemed genuinely kind and caring, even after the scene I created the last time we met. I felt that I owed her an apology and another chance to talk.

"I appreciate you coming in to meet with me today." She paused, waiting for some acknowledgement on my part. As I sat in silence, Ms. Bryant fiddled with her glasses as she continued, "I do have some good news to report. We've begun to examine the security footage and we did identify some suspicious activity early Friday morning. I can't release any other details at this point, but we are making progress in the investigation."

"Great," I mumbled half-heartedly.

Ms. Bryant tried to hide a frustrated sigh as she brought her glasses to the top of her head. She folded her hands together and looked directly into my eyes. "Paige, I know this must not be an easy situation, but we are here to support you and offer guidance. We are also here to try and put an end to this bullying."

I chuckled under my breath.

Pulling a business card from her desk, Ms. Bryant began to scribble on it. "We've set up a counseling session for you this Thursday during this same period," she said as she handed me the card. "I think you may find it helpful to talk about these issues and concerns with Dr. Connelly. He may also have some good ideas about how to deal with these kinds of situations in a more productive manner."

I tried to bite my tongue. "To be honest, Ms. Bryant, I've been to these kinds of things before. They don't work. In fact, they just make me feel worse about myself. It just doesn't work." I let out a heavy sigh before I continued, "And finding out who did this isn't going to stop the bullying. There's so much stuff you don't even see. If anything, it's just going to make it worse." My tone began to rise the more I spoke.

"Ms. McCullers," Ms. Bryant interjected with a severe tone I hadn't heard from her before, "your attendance is _mandatory_, this is not up for discussion. We will see you on Thursday."

I crumpled up the card and threw it in the wastebasket as I left the office.

* * *

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists as my body collided with the row of lockers.

"Why did you tell them that I did that?" Bianca hounded me. "They pulled me out of one of my classes today and questioned me!"

"I didn't. They suspected it. I just confirmed it," I snapped back, rubbing my shoulder that had made contact with the hard metal.

"Well, if you think I'd be _stupid_ enough to do something like that and get kicked off the team or, worse, kicked out of school during my senior year, then you are seriously mistaken. I would _never _risk all that over some piece of crap like you!"

"I don't know if I should be flattered or what," I snarked.

"You should be careful what you say, is what. You'd better not be spreading rumors that aren't true."

"Oh, _spreading rumors_. You would know nothing about that, would you?"

"I don't spread rumors." Bianca scowled. "I only speak the truth. _Even if it hurts_."

* * *

"Where's your little friend, Quinn, to protect you now?"

I turned to find Katelyn hovering behind me, carrying her lunch tray.

"What?" I asked with irritation.

"_Quinn_," she paused. "Where is she now?"

Katelyn turned, without waiting for a response, and continued on her way to her table and sat down next to Quinn. I peered over my shoulder, watching the group of girls chatter, Quinn deeply immersed in conversation. I wasn't even a blip on her radar. Katelyn made eye contact with me and gave me a phony smile and a mocking wave. I sneered back at her before I turned to my empty table and resumed poking my unappetizing meal with the plastic fork.

* * *

"I can't believe we have to share a locker room with a giant lezzie."

"Seriously. She's probably checking us out right now."

"Gross."

"Totally."

I tried to ignore the whispers like I do everyday, but today, it was deafening. I turned and shot the girls a deadly glare.

"I think she was just looking at your boobs!"

I pulled my bag out of my locker and slammed it shut. I stomped off into the bathroom area and locked myself in a stall. I took a few deep breaths to try and compose myself but nothing kept the tears from falling. I cradled my head in my hands, wishing this day was over. Wishing this year was over. Wishing this _hell_ was over. I wished as hard as I could for as long as I could, but when I finally lifted my head and wiped away the tears, I was still just locked in this rank bathroom stall.

* * *

_"Stay strong."_ That's all that echoed through my head as I collapsed into Quinn's arms. That's the only thing I promised...and the only thing I couldn't do. Quinn was watching me crumble right in front of her.

"I-I can't do this. I can't do this anymore."

"Yes," she tried to reassure me, "yes you can." She held the back of my head and gently ran her fingers through my hair as I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Not anymore," I whispered in between sobs.

"You're stronger than that." She paused, gently embracing me. "You're stronger than _them_."

My eyes shot open and I pulled myself from Quinn's arms using my sleeve to dry my eyes. I sat there for a moment examining the girl sitting before me. Examining the girl who was once strong enough to talk to a shy, quiet girl. The girl who was strong enough to pull me on to the dance floor. The girl who was strong enough bare her entire self to me. The girl who was strong enough to kiss me. The girl who was strong enough to make me feel beautiful. The girl who was strong enough to protect me. _The girl who was once strong enough to be herself._

I searched and searched, but I couldn't find that girl sitting anywhere before me. "So are you, Quinn, so are you." I began to feel a bit of anger and resentment seep into my voice. "At least, you _used to be_ stronger than them."


	19. Chapter 19

"At least, you _used to be _stronger than them."

I pulled back and got up, moving away from Quinn, fearing what her reaction would be. She glanced up and into my eyes for a moment before she looked towards the ceiling. Her eye lids fluttered, trying to hold back tears.

"No, I was never stronger than them. I was just too caught up in -," she began to gesture with her hands, "in _this_. Whatever this is. Or was."

I felt like I had been shot in the chest, the pain was so sudden and sharp.

"What are you saying?"

"I don't...I don't really know what I'm saying." She looked at me again, her eyes glossy and wide with emotion as they looked me over. After a short pause, she spoke again, "All I do know is...is this year is about me. I know that sounds selfish, but I gave up everything last year. I-I just need to focus on me. I need to focus school. And performing. And-"

"Becoming popular again?" I interjected.

Quinn let out a heavy sigh. "I can't do this. Not now. I need to learn to ignore people. I can't get involved in any of this."

"Well, you're doing a good job of it so far," I bitterly remarked. "But I think you're trying to ignore the wrong people. _Or person_. You should ignore what _other_ people think of you."

"Oh yeah, and how's that working out for you, Paige?" Quinn's tone began to rise. "How do you feel every time someone calls you a name? Or laughs at you? Or tries to destroy you? Anyone with two eyes can see that you're breaking."

I tried to speak, but the words weren't coming.

"I can't do it. I'm drained. I don't have an ounce of strength left in me," Quinn said with a soft voice.

"So you'd rather look in the mirror everyday and see someone else? Pretend that you don't feel _anything_? Pretend that you're someone else?" I finally spat back.

"It's easier to be numb. It's easier to be an actress and put on a show. To be what everyone wants you to be...expects you to be." Quinn took a deep breath and turned her head away from me, staring vacantly out the window. "It's what I do. It's what I know. It's what's...comfortable."

A silence lingered in the air before my words shot across the room like knives. "You're a coward."

Quinn's head snapped back towards me and she rose from the bed, moving towards me. "What did you say?" she challenged.

"I said...you're a _coward_."

The stinging on my left cheek sent sensations surging through my body and I felt the blood rush to my face. I cradled my cheek in my hand, refusing to turn my head back towards Quinn. I think I was still in shock by her aggression towards me.

"Being thrown out of your own house," Quinn began, with a fire in her words, "losing your family, losing your friends, losing your status, and losing everything you cared about to bring someone else into this world, to give _them_ a chance, is anything but cowardly. And then, to _give up_ that one thing that you risked _everything_ for? It's heartbreaking. It's devastating. I have nothing left to give. I may be a lot of things, but I am not a _coward_."

She took a breath to compose herself. I look towards her again, and her eyes seemed to be filled with guilt. Her tone became more gentle. "Beth wasn't a mistake, but sleeping with Puck was. And I can never take that back. But what I can do is learn from it and try to avoid making any other mistakes."

_A mistake_. That's all _this_ was. That's all _I _was.

"You can't avoid making mistakes for the rest of your life."

"I can try."

"What kind of life would that be?"

"A safe one."

I shook my head. I was holding back a mixture of tears and frustration.

"No one _wants_ to make mistakes. Some mistakes you can avoid, yes, but others...others are what shape you, make you _you. _You can't just avoid making tough decisions or stepping out of your comfort zone because it _might _be a mistake. What I can tell you is, right now, you are making a mistake pushing away someone who truly cares for you as the person you _really_ are."

"Well, that's not who I want to be."

I finally let out a growl of frustration. "You can't just wake up one morning and decide who you're going to be! It just doesn't work like that. You don't think I've tried that? You don't think I tried to be what people wanted me to be? What people _expected_ me to be? I wished I could just _disappear_ rather than face the world as who I truly was. That would have been easier, too. But, it would have been a mistake. The biggest mistake of all. Easier isn't always better."

"You think I don't know that? Last year wasn't _easy_. Last year -"

Quinn trailed off as she broke down into a mess of tears. I stepped towards her, wrapping my arms around her as she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm scared," Quinn whispered into my ear.

"I know." I rubbed the back of her head trying to comfort her. "I know..."

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tightly, her crying nearly becoming a wail. I placed a soft kiss atop her head. She choked back her tears and picked her head up off my shoulder, her eyes meeting mine once again.

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you all the time. _I'm_ not always all there all the time," Quinn said softly, letting out a nervous chuckle. "It tears me up inside seeing you like this. Seeing people do those things to you. I want to help you, but I'm selfish. I'm scared." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm scared about what will happen if...if people were to find out about me. About us. I-I don't think I could handle half of what you put up with."

"You say you're not strong, Quinn. You say you have nothing left. But I see it in there. I do. You just hide it away along with everything else."

Quinn closed her eyes and brought her head back, the tears steadily flowing down her cheeks again.

"Paige," she said, bringing her attention to me again, "every time I look at you, it hurts so much. I see how much you're hurting and I want to hold you and kiss you and tell you everything is going to be okay. And then I get scared. I get scared of my feelings for you. I get scared of how much I..." Quinn broke eye contact and looked away, "...I like you. I get scared that it _won't_ be okay."

I wiped away some of her tears with a brush of my thumb along her cheek.

"It's just..." she continued, "I just...I don't know what to do. I want to have you close but at the same time I want to keep you far away. I don't want to let you in. Part of me craves your attention and the other part wants to ignore you and pretend these feelings don't exist."

I cradled her head with both of my hands and brought her gaze back to mine. "Too late. I'm already in."

"I know," Quinn sighed, "that's why this is so hard. I think you're out of my head, I think to myself 'I can do this. I don't have to give in'. And then I see you and my heart aches. You were never gone." She laughed quietly to herself. "We've only known each other for a month. I know it's silly, but I feel like I've known you my entire life."

I nodded. It was true. I had never felt this close to someone, and in such a short period of time. We just..."got" each other.

She took both of my hands and held them in hers. "Paige, I promise I will be a better friend. I promise to be here and support you. Okay?"

I smiled and nodded again.

"I promise not to be so distant and to not push you away." She paused. "I just...I just need some time. Okay? To figure things out. To work on me. I will still be here for you though. As friends."

I felt a lump grow in my throat as I tried to digest this information. It felt like history repeating itself, except this time, I wasn't the one scared of coming out. But, I swallowed the pill and replied, "Deal."

"Thank you for being so understanding."

I smiled. "Don't worry. I'll be here for you, too. No matter how long it takes."

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you." Quinn cupped my cheek and giggled. "And I'm sorry I slapped you. Sometimes I get a little-"

"I know," I smirked.

Quinn leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek where she had slapped me. She lingered for a moment before whispering in my ear, "Thank you."

* * *

**a/n:** _thank you guys for being patient these past few weeks, I really haven't had the mental capacity to write anything substantial. but, I'm back. I hope this chapter answers some questions that you guys have had about Quinn._

_also, I wanted to let you guys know that your support is absolutely amazing and it's what keeps me going, so I can't thank you guys enough. it means the world to me._


	20. Chapter 20

Even though daylight was getting shorter with each passing day, the afternoons felt so much longer without field hockey taking up my time. I'm not usually one to quit without a fight, but, I decided some battles aren't worth fighting. Swimming would be starting in a little over a month, and that's where my heart truly lies. So, I tried to enjoy my afternoons and unwind from what was usually a stressful day of classes before going to the gym. I had to keep in shape and, in fact, try to get into the best shape I've ever been in for this season. I'd be applying to colleges soon and, if I had any chance for a scholarship, I'd need to be performing at better than my best. I was determined to make it out of here and make it out of Rosewood for good; I felt like going away to school was my only chance. It was good, it gave me something to focus on while I was trapped here, something better to look forward to.

I sat down upon the old wooden bench inside the gazebo that resided outside of the academic building. I had come to enjoy my new ritual, taking in the fall weather and people watching while I did my homework. No one ever bothered me nor did they really even notice me. I felt safe there; I didn't have to be trapped inside my room and I didn't have to worry about any unwanted encounters. Today, being Friday, was particularly peaceful as everyone was eager to get back to their rooms and start their weekends, especially since it was a three day weekend. Despite the extra day, I, as usual, didn't have any plans for the weekend, so I just basked in the solitude here. A light breeze rustled the pages of my textbook as I noticed the sound of footsteps nearing and a shadow growing across the concrete ground. I kept my eyes focused on the book in front of me until a familiar voice interrupted my forced concentration.

"Hey there, stranger."

I looked up and a smile grew across my face. A simple "hey" passed softly between my lips.

Quinn smirked back. "Am I disturbing you? I could -"

"Oh, no," I slipped a study guide into my textbook and slammed it shut as I slid the book off my lap. "No, I-I was just finishing up. What's up?"

"Just checking in with you. Haven't seen you around much outside of class and I figured you'd be staked out over here."

I shyly looked away, feeling like I had been caught even though I really had nothing to hide. "I'm _that_ predictable?"

I caught a glimpse of Quinn's raised eyebrow and growing smile as she nodded.

"Anyone sitting here?" she asked as she sat down without waiting for a reply.

"I guess you are," I snarked.

"So," Quinn began, ignoring my remark, "how's your week been?"

I looked at her questioningly, wondering what she was up to. "...Fine?"

I shrugged. "I guess things have started to settle down. A little bit, at least."

"Good!" Quinn seemed distracted and her interest seemed less than genuine. "They still haven't figured out who did that to your locker, have they?"

"No," I replied with furrowed brow. "Bianca was actually telling the truth and has an alibi. She apparently was at the church when the vandal was in the school. Now they have to run a check on everyone's student IDs to figure out who was and wasn't in the cafeteria at the time of - ...Quinn?"

I trailed off as Quinn zoned out, looking frantically over her shoulder.

"Mmm?" she replied, jerking her head back around to me.

I let out a loud sigh. "What's wrong with you today?"

"Oh. Nothing." She paused. "I just have a small favor to ask."

I tried to discretely roll my eyes.

"Okay, maybe not so small."

"What is it?" I asked with a huff.

"How would you feel about making a trip with me back to Lima? It's a pretty long drive and I don't feel comfortable doing it by myself and I -"

"Wait, what? When?"

"Now."

"What? Seriously? Right now? Are you out of your mind?" I asked in disbelief.

"Well, not _right _now. But, you know, after you've changed and packed and-"

"You are out of your mind."

Quinn sat in silence for a moment. "I know I sound ridiculous right now," she said, holding up a finger to shush my inevitable agreement, "but hear me out. My friend Mercedes just called me and told me that the Glee club back home is having a little gathering tomorrow night. She said that she would love it if I could join them."

I hung my head and stared at the ground. Part of me loved the idea of spending the long weekend with Quinn, away from school and away from all the drama. But another part of me was terrified to be alone with her, so far away in an unfamiliar place, afraid that I would say or do something stupid or make her uncomfortable now that I had been "friendzoned".

"I-I don't know, Quinn," I mumbled.

"Paige, it would mean the world to me. I haven't seen most of them since the end of school last year. I never even got to say goodbye." Quinn's voice was pleading with a touch of melancholy. Her puppy dog eyes nearly melted my heart.

"Please?" she said, taking my hand and gently rubbing her thumb along the back of it. Her touch sent tingling sensations up my arm and down my spine, inhibiting any rational thought processes.

Quinn smiled as she saw my facial expression soften knowing I was about to surrender. She chuckled to herself. "Unless, you know, you have some other plans of debauchery this weekend."

I shook my head in disbelief of what I was about to do.

"Fine. I'll join you."

Quinn nearly squealed as she threw her arms around me.

* * *

I heaved my backpack into the backseat of Quinn's car before I flopped into the passenger seat. I had managed to take a quick shower and throw a handful of clothes and toiletries into my bag before we were out the door and on the road to Ohio.

"5:13," Quinn read the car clock aloud, "we should be at my house a little after 9, if all goes well."

"I can't believe I signed up for this." All I could do was laugh at how easily I was swayed by Quinn.

"I know you can't say 'no' to me," Quinn teased as she turned to me with a coy grin on her face. It was true.

Nearly an hour had passed with the car radio serving as the only distraction from a seemingly endless stretch of rural mountain road. The sun was just beginning to set as bright orange seared through the trees and what was left of the foliage. Finally we hit the Interstate and a sudden calmness came over me, like we were finally free, finally escaping from our prison.

"Do you ever miss Rosewood?" Quinn inquired, breaking the comfortable silence.

I sat for a moment, trying to wade through the wave of thoughts flowing through my head.

"I...I don't really know." I shifted in my seat and fiddled with the strings on my hoodie. "I've...never really thought about it much, I guess. I mean, I miss my mother. A lot. And Emily, even though I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks. I suppose my old swim team, too. But...not much else."

I drew my attention from my hands to gaze at Quinn who was intently paying attention to the highway, acknowledging me with a gentle nod.

"I never had many friends or a big family or anything like that. I don't really have that many ties left to Rosewood." I turned and stared out the window at the slowly dawning evening and sighed. I closed my eyes before I continued, "I don't have too many fond memories of that place either. So, no, I guess I don't miss it."

I heard Quinn take a deep breath. It wasn't labored or anxious. She seemed just as lost in thought as I was. "Do you think you'll ever go back?"

The thought had never really crossed my mind before; the fact that I could possibly never return. It seemed both equally terrifying and exhilarating. I didn't need too much time to think before I responded. "Probably not."

I had no reason to. Maybe I would visit my mother on a holiday. Or drive through the town on my place to another destination. But I knew I'd never have to go back there if I didn't want to. And I didn't.

"What about your family?"

I sighed again. "I know my mother would come visit me wherever I was. Even if my father didn't approve. She'd come up with some lie. I know she still loves me...and I know all of this is killing her, too."

Quinn feebly smiled at me.

"What about Emily?"

I felt a tightness in my chest just from Quinn uttering her name.

"What about her?"

"Do you think you'll ever see her again?"

"Honestly? I don't know." It was slightly disconcerting thinking about it, thinking that I may never see her face again. _ Or feel her soft skin again. Or the taste of her lips... _

"Maybe it's for the best," I quickly muttered.

It all still felt so painful. Pining for her, from a distance, for so long only to finally have her and let her slip between my fingers before I _really_ had her. I still regretted losing her like that. Meanwhile, another beautiful and incredible girl sat beside me, frightened just as I was only a year ago. But, just like a year ago, I continue to watch her slip right through my fingers. There she sat, so close, but still just out of my reach.

I wished I could tell her it would be all right. I wished I could tell her that it didn't have to be so complicated. I wished that I could tell her that she'd be safe. Safe with me. But I couldn't. I couldn't tell her what I didn't even believe myself.

"So," I started, looking to abruptly change the subject, "tell me about about everyone that's going to be there tomorrow..."

* * *

**a/n:** _sorry for falling off the face of the earth again. not much else to say other than: i am . for this next chapter. It'll be quite a bit longer than the previous chapters, and I have the outline all set and ready to go. squee!_


	21. Chapter 21

**a/n:** _hey everyone, just thought I would give you a little insight into this chapter and future chapters. this chapter is obviously based off "Blame it on the Alcohol" but it occurs much earlier in season 2, so there are some significant differences (ie - no Puck, no Blaine, no Lauren). i use the first 4 episodes of season two as foundation for this as they fit within the timeline of the story thus far and, in general, this story will run concurrently with season 2. So my AU headcanon for this (and upcoming) Lima scenes is based on season 2 canon plus the "what if" Quinn was no longer at McKinley factor and any changes that may have on actual canon._

* * *

"Quinn!" the brunette exclaimed as she answered the door. I recognized her as one of the girls in the pictures on Quinn's dresser.

"It's good to see you, too, Rachel," Quinn said in a much softer tone, smiling.

She extended her hand out to me. "I'm Rachel Berry. It's a pleasure to meet you."

I grabbed her hand and nodded. "Paige McCullers."

"Welcome, Paige! I hope you're ready for an exciting party!"

We headed down into the basement and stopped on the landing as Rachel made our grand introduction.

"Look who has finally arrived! And let me introduce everyone to Paige McCullers!"

"H-hi," I said as I timidly waved at the large group. I peered around the room trying to remember everyone's names that Quinn told me in the car.

The first person I recognized was Mercedes, who approached us and gave Quinn a giant hug.

"I'm Mercedes. It's nice to finally meet you, Paige. I've heard so much about you!" Mercedes said with a smile as she also brought me in for a hug. I wondered what Quinn had told Mercedes.

Rachel and Quinn descended the final two steps as I remained on the landing surveying the room. I immediately could pick out Santana and Brittany, the two cheerleaders, even though they were on separate sides of the room. Santana was with a blonde-haired boy, I don't think Quinn mentioned him, and Brittany was with the boy in the wheelchair. I think his name was Artie. Tina and Mike were sitting on a couch while a particularly eccentric boy stood by himself. That must have been Kurt. Then I saw Rachel head over to the last boy in the room. I assumed that must be Finn. I didn't see anyone with a mohawk though.

"Where's Puck?" I heard Quinn ask Rachel as my stomach churned.

"The idiot landed himself in juvie," Santana interjected.

Quinn paused for a moment. "Do I even want to know?"

"No," Mercedes quickly stated.

Somehow, I found it to be a relief that I wouldn't have to meet Puck.

I finally fully entered the room once I gained my bearings and headed over to the corner with Kurt. He gave me a welcoming smile.

"Hey! RuPaul! This party's a real drag. We need some real alcohol!" Santana yelled to Rachel.

The rest of the party joined in agreement and completely overwhelmed the hostess.

"Look, Berry. Just let us into that liquor cabinet. We'll replace it before your dads even get home," Santana urged.

Rachel looked upset and confused, examining all the unhappy party guests in the room. Finally she gave in, lifting her wine cooler in the air and shouting, "Let's party!"

* * *

"That's absolutely awful."

"I know. I don't even know what to do other than try to seem invisible and hide."

"It's not any better here in Lima. I've been getting bullied since before I even came out. They're just jealous that they can't look this fabulous," Kurt joked.

I looked upon him sadly. He seemed like such a genuinely amazing person, but people couldn't see past his sexuality. I could more than feel his pain.

"After my father had his heart attack though, I realized how great my friends are. How wonderful of a support system they are. Without them, I don't know if I'd be able to put up with this bullying day in and day out."

"Yeah. I don't know what I'd do without Quinn. She's the only one at that school who treats me like a human being."

Kurt gave me a hug before he continued.

"Quinn may be a bitch sometimes," he laughed, "but she really does care. Especially after what she went through last year. I know you guys will take care of each other."

I nodded. I looked over into the crowd of people and saw Quinn mingling among her former classmates and chatting with that mysterious blonde boy.

"Who is that?"

"Talking to Quinn? That's Sam. He's new," Kurt explained, "I'm convinced he's gay, but he adamantly denies it. I do know, though, that he dyes his hair. He'd never put that one by me."

I laughed as I took a sip of my drink.

"Thanks."

"For what?" Kurt asked.

"Listening to me ramble for the last twenty minutes."

"Oh please, darling, it was my pleasure." Kurt smiled. "What do you think family is for?"

I returned his smile.

"And if you ever need anything, feel free to send a text or give me a call. Quinn has my num -"

"Move it, Lady Hummel, my turn with the fresh meat," Santana interrupted Kurt.

Kurt rolled his eyes and patted me on the shoulder and whispered, "Good luck."

Santana had been glued to Sam's side since I had gotten here, but now that Quinn was talking to him, she had found her way over here.

"H-hey."

"H-hey," she replied, mockingly. "So," she said, looking me up and down, "you're Quinn's new roommate."

I nodded, looking at her curiously.

"You better not mess with her or hurt her," Santana threatened. "No one does that, except for me. Got it?"

"G-got it."

"Good."

Santana stood there silently, eyeing me as she drank from her cup. She looked me up and down once more before she turned and walked off without saying a word.

* * *

The night flew by and more liquor bottles were emptied, the music got louder, and the crowd got drunker and rowdier. Tina and Mercedes were constantly in hysterics while Brittany was using anything she could as a pole, losing more and more clothing as the night went on. Sam was relentlessly flirting with Quinn, who seemed to be lapping it up. Santana tried to get Sam's attention but continually failed, and instead, started doing body shots off of the now shirtless Brittany. Artie was watching the Brittany show while Rachel, Kurt, and Mike were dancing like crazy. Finn, the designated driver, was stone cold sober and leaned against the wall taking in all the activity. I was sitting on the staircase, slowly sipping on my second drink of the evening when Rachel took the stage and grabbed the microphone.

"Everyone! Let's spin the bottle," she slurred. "Who wants to play spin the bottle? Spin the bottle!" she excitedly yelled.

The crowd stopped what they were doing and cheered, gathering and forming a circle on the floor. I got up and walked over, only to stand there, apprehensive about joining in the game.

"C'mon, we won't bite," Kurt coaxed, sliding closer to Brittany and patting the floor next to him.

I scowled at him for a moment while I took a sip from my straw. "I'm not drunk enough yet for all of this."

"Girl," Mercedes chimed in, giggling from across the circle, "we'll get you there. Don't you worry."

Kurt continued to pout as he motioned for me to sit. Just beyond Kurt, I saw Quinn, seated next to Mercedes, smiling at me and nodding, mouthing the word "go".

I shrugged and sighed. "Fine." I sat down cross-legged in between Finn and Kurt, who smiled and lifted his red plastic cup.

"Cheers."

I smirked as I knocked my cup against his and we both took a sip. Just as we did, Rachel came prancing over to the circle, supplies in hand. She clumsily placed a checkerboard and a vodka bottle on the ground in the middle of the circle. She began to lose her balance as she leaned over and Finn quickly grabbed her at the hips and brought her to the ground between himself and Quinn. I saw Quinn roll her eyes and divert her attention to Mercedes as all of this transpired. Mercedes and Tina both cheered as Mercedes grabbed the empty liquor bottle and handed it to Quinn.

"You take the first spin since you're our Guest of Honor!" she excitedly told Quinn.

"Great," Quinn mumbled under her breath. She took the bottle and placed it on the board. She glanced over to me just before she spun the bottle. I anxiously awaited to see where it would land, but as it slowed and passed where I was sitting, I knew there would be no kiss from Quinn...this round at least. The bottle finally came to a stop on her friend sitting next to her. Mercedes clapped and took a sip of her drink before she planted a light peck on Quinn's lips. Kurt made a cat call while a few of the others laughed.

Mercedes nudged Quinn. "See, that wasn't so bad," she laughed.

Quinn let a little smile grow on her face as she took a long swig of her drink.

"My turn!"

Mercedes spun the bottle, which landed on Artie who was sitting across from her in the circle. She placed her cup on the ground and staggered over to him, again lightly pressing her lips against his.

Artie looked to the ground forlornly, unable to reach the vodka bottle. Sam noticed and reached into the center of the circle. "Let me get that for you, bro."

The bottle spun around the circle a few times before stopping in front of Brittany.

"I win, I win!" she excitedly squealed.

She got up and wrapped her arms around Artie before she kissed him. And continued to kiss him. Everyone was cheering and whistling as the two of them began to make out. Everyone except Santana. Santana stuck her finger into her mouth and pretended to throw up. They continued to kiss until Santana loudly cleared her throat and broke Brittany's concentration.

"Let Wheels come up for some air and spin the bottle, Britt," Santana said, holding back her irritation as best as she could.

"I didn't know robots needed air..."

Artie rolled his eyes as Kurt handed the bottle to Brittany, thus prying her away from him. Brittany sat back down on the ground and spun the bottle. When it stopped, she drunkenly crawled across the ground to Tina and lightly kissed her on the lips. I heard Artie grumble to himself as he finished his drink. After the peck, Brittany returned to her spot on the floor between Kurt and Artie while Tina sheepishly picked up the bottle.

"Do I really have to do this?" Tina whined.

"Rules are rules, Tina," Rachel slurred, still sipping from her plastic cup.

Mercedes began to laugh when the bottle pointed to Kurt. Both Tina and Kurt leaned forward into the circle and Kurt placed a dainty kiss upon her lips.

"See? Now wasn't that just fabulous?"

Tina began to laugh along with Mercedes. The laughter continued and spread as Kurt and Rachel were forced to awkwardly peck.

As Kurt returned to his spot, Rachel excitedly clapped and proceeded to try and spin the bottle. Her first attempt sent the bottle flying off the board and hit Mike in the leg. Her next attempt had the bottle pointin directly at me. My eyes widened and my heart started racing. I was horrified. Everyone started cheering, except for Quinn. I could see a touch of jealously in her eyes as she sat next to Rachel. I took a sip of my drink and waited for Rachel's drunken kiss, trying to avoid Quinn's glares.

"Lady McCullers, I'm going to rock your world."

Rachel's lips met mine, but after our lips had locked, she didn't pull away. In fact, she kept kissing me. She kept deeping it until her tongue was trying to sloppily enter my mouth. My eyes snapped open and I pushed Rachel away. I couldn't even begin to describe how awkward that kiss was. How wrong it felt. I stared at Quinn and her despondant expression while the room seemed to spin around me, full of everyone hollering and yelling and drinking. I knew it was only a silly game, but I felt like I had taken something away from Quinn.

"Your face tastes awesome," Rachel babbled.

Finn grabbed her again and brought her back to his side. He didn't seem terribly pleased by her behavior either.

Avoiding eye contact, Quinn got up and headed to the bar to refill her drink.

"Good idea, Q, I'm going to need _a lot_ more to drink," Santana said, stumbling her way over to the alcohol.

"Hey, can you guys hook me up with a refill!" Artie slurred.

"Me, too!" Rachel yelled.

"I think you've had more than enough, Rachel," Quinn snapped.

"But -"

"She's right," Finn interrupted.

Rachel sat on the floor and pouted as the two girls returned with their overflowing cups, plus one for Artie.

Brittany picked up the bottle and thrust it into my face. "Your turn!"

I placed the bottle on the board and took a quick sip of my drink. _Here goes nothing_, I thought to myself.

I watched the bottle spin and spin, and as it began to slow, it approched Quinn. But, it slowly glided past her to Rachel and, finally, stopping on Finn.

"Well, _that's_ awkward," Santana chuckled.

"This is not happening," I said under my breath.

Kurt handed me my drink. "This might help."

I took the cup and threw the straw to the ground and chugged the rest of the drink.

"Let's do this."

Both Finn and I leaned into the circle and exchanged a chaste kiss mere feet away from Quinn, who was mostly focused on her beverage at this point, though I could still feel the burn of Quinn's stare. I picked up the bottle and handed it to Finn as I returned to my spot.

I turned to Kurt and muttered, "Gross."

He smiled and picked up my empty cup. "I'll fix this."

Kurt returned with a fresh drink as Finn began his turn.

"I win again! I'm totally awesome at this game," Brittany cheered.

Finn and Brittany exchanged a quick kiss as Santana sneered in the background. Her expression only grew more distressed as Brittany had to kiss the boy sitting next to Santana. After attempting to flirt with Sam most of the night, while still keeping her attention on Brittany the entire time, it didn't take a genius to know there was something more going on there. The anger in Santana's eyes began to drain and they became cold and sad as Brittany and Sam seemed to linger for a moment longer than they should have. She suddenly stood up and swatted at the two of them, yelling in Spanish, separating them.

"Your turn, froggy lips," Santana growled.

Santana sat back down and continued drinking while Sam spun the bottle. A smile grew on his face as the bottle stopped while pointing at Quinn. Santana and I both made eye contact as we brought our cups up to our lips. I couldn't even watch, and instead, I stared at the bottom of my cup. I chugged my drink while everyone cheered for Sam and Quinn. I pounded the cup on the ground just in time to see them break apart from what was most certainly not a quick little peck. Sam picked up the bottle and handed it to Quinn, his eyes still locked on her lips. Quinn looked a bit caught off guard, but returned his glances. I felt my blood rising. Or, maybe, the alcohol was just starting to hit me hard.

Quinn took a sip of her drink and spun the bottle, again avoiding my eye contact. The bottle stopped just short of me, in between Kurt and Brittany. Brittany grabbed the bottle and moved it slightly so it was facing directly towards herself.

"Hey! You can't do that," Kurt said.

"I think I just did," she slurred as she began to crawl across the floor, still oblivious to Santana's reactions. Quinn's mood changed as she began to giggle at Brittany's non-threatening approach. The two friends shared a brief kiss before Brittany retreated with the bottle in hand. She sprawled out on the ground and continued on with the game. Unfortunately, the bottle stopped in front of me. Mercedes and Tina continued their giggling while Quinn suddenly stopped. Brittany, already laying on the floor, rolled over so she was laid out below me. Despite the mess of emotions running through my head and the alcohol in my blood, I couldn't help but laugh. I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. She clapped and eventually sat up, crawling back to her place in the circle. I grabbed the bottle and proceeded to find out who I would next share a kiss with.

My eyes widened, as did hers. She took the last few sips of her drink and tossed it aside. She looked towards me, then to Brittany, then back to me. She smiled diabolically as we moved into the center of the circle. I looked towards Quinn. I could see her visibly getting upset. Not sad upset, but "I'm going to punch someone in the face" upset. Then I looked to the girl right in front of me. Without warning, her lips crashed into mine, passionately, and caught me off guard. We both pulled away for a moment, but our faces lingered close together. Through all the yelling and cheering, I heard Quinn announce that she was going to the bathroom. I went to turn to see her when Santana grabbed my cheek and drew me in for another kiss. I didn't resist. It wasn't awkward like kissing Rachel, or gross like Finn, or funny like Brittany. In fact, I continued to deepen our kiss. I wanted to taste her. I wasn't thinking with my head. I wasn't even thinking with my heart. I knew the only person I wanted was Quinn. But right now, I didn't have her. All I had was this funny feeling the alcohol was giving me and a really hot girl kissing me.

"Well, _that_ escalated quickly," Kurt said as he stood up. Sensing that the tension in the room had reached its boiling point, he yelled, "All right! Time for a break!"

"Karaoke!" Rachel excitedly yelled, stumbling towards the stage she had in her basement. "Kurt! Duet! Now!"

I finally broke away from Santana to see Quinn descending from upstairs. I took this singing break as an opportunity to head outside and get some fresh air. I darted away from Santana and went out the backdoor of the basement and ascended a set of stairs into the backyard.

I leaned against the side of the house and stared up at the sky. The stars started spinning and I felt dizzy. The thoughts in my head were spinning, too.

I hated feeling jealous. I hated seeing Quinn flirting with other people. I hated seeing her _kiss_ other people. And I hated myself for _not_ hating the kiss with Santana. I felt like such a hypocrite. But it killed me to see Quinn hanging out with Sam and flirting with him. And then kissing him. And enjoying it. I didn't know if she was just putting up a front around her friends or if she was genuinely interested in him. Either way, it hurt.

So, why should I feel bad about kissing Santana and enjoying it? Quinn and I aren't together, so it shouldn't matter, right? Right.

_What I feel bad about is not having Quinn._

I let out a scream and took my frustrations out on a nearby empty trash can.

"What's your deal, McStutters? You usually beat up inanimate objects?"

I shot around and found Santana steadying herself against the wall at the top of the stairs.

"What?"

"You. What's the deal with you and Quinn?" Santana pried, slowly approaching me.

I looked towards the ground. "N-nothing. We're just friends."

"Uh huh. And I'm sober."

I looked up at her again, scowling. "Yeah, we're friends just like you and Brittany are friends." I snapped.

Santana's eyes began to tear up. "Don't even go there, butchie. You have no idea -"

"Oh, I have an idea -"

"No," said putting her hand up and shaking her head. "I love her, and she has no clue. I tell her that she's just some hook-up while Puck is gone, all the while she's completely oblivious to how I feel about her and I'm too scared to tell her otherwise," Santana said, her tone rising.

"Seems like this Puck guy is turning all the girls..." I joked, trying to make Santana laugh.

Instead, she just started bawling. "No one loves me. Brittany is trying to get with Wheels. Puck only wants me because Quinn isn't around and she'd never take him back anyway." Her sobs broke up her speaking as she drunkenly rambled, "I can't even get with Sam. He just met Quinn and he already likes her more than me. She's blonde and awesome and so smart. Even Finn would rather be with that needy Hobbit over me."

Then, Santana grabbed my vest and pulled me closer to her, closing the distance and finishing what we had started earlier. I got completely lost in her soft lips as I brought my hand up and held her behind the neck. She cradled both of my cheeks in her hands. I felt dizzy as her kiss made me feel drunker and I leaned in closer to her. Her tongue parted my lips as I gave her access, holding her neck even tighter. She dropped her hands from my face and slid them down to my waist, pulling me in so that our bodies were touching. My knees weakened and my entire body tingled and I found it nearly impossible to stand.

"What on earth do you think you're doing!"

Santana was abruptly ripped from my embrace by Quinn. She threw Santana against the side of the house who immediately pushed her back.

"I do what I want, Tubbers."

Quinn growled and pinned Santana against the wall again.

"At least I'm not a _slut_," Quinn spat back.

"Me? A slut?" Santana pushed off the wall and got right into Quinn's face. "At least I'm not a _mother._"

Quinn screamed and slapped Santana in the face. Without hesitation, Santana threw Quinn to the ground. Quinn recovered and jumped up to her feet and charged at Santana as Brittany stood by the stairs.

"Stop the violence!"

After watching the scene unfold before me, I finally came to and ran over and wrapped my arms around Quinn trying to restrain her. She tried to wriggle free as Brittany grabbed Santana's wrist and dragged her back inside.

I stood there holding Quinn, the only sound was the dull thud of the music inside and Quinn trying to catch her breath.

"Why?"

"What?" I released her from my grip.

"Why would you kiss her?"

"Do I need a reason other than I'm drunk and I wanted to?"

Quinn turned. She clicked her tongue and stood with her hands on her hips. "No," she replied sharply.

"I didn't think so." I cocked my eyebrow and began to walk away, brushing past her as I walked back towards the stairs. Suddenly, she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards her.

"I don't want anyone else's lips on yours, but mine," Quinn whispered she leaned in to kiss me.


End file.
